Even in the why

I think most people who are friends with me on Facebook and Instagram would see the adorable pictures of my kids and think this has been just a blissful joy-filled year. That's the problem with social media. I'm not going to post the countless moments that have made this one of the most difficult, heartbreaking years of my life. Don't get me wrong, Liam has been a huge blessing. My kids are wonderful. But our family has gone through unbelievable pain this year and it isn't over yet. I would have never dreamed possible some of the disappointments we have endured. These are just heartbreaks we can't share on social media for a variety of reasons. There have been things we have prayed for that we have watched slip through our hands like sand. I remember Priscilla Shirer say in a conference over 15 years ago, "Hold onto everything loosely, so it won't hurt so much when it is pulled out of your hands." Well, I guess I didn't listen because it has hurt.


Part of why it has hurt is that I've messed up where my joy should come from. Psalm 30:5 says, "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." I have let my prayer request be my hope of having joy and not the Lord. God speaks to me most clearly through music and this song helped me see this. 

Even in the why, 
in the middle of the night I say 
You are good
Though my prayers are heard, 
the response is Yours God 
You are good
Sorrow may last the whole night, 
joy comes in the morning light
You are faithful 
God You are faithful, 
You have never left my side


I was waiting for the phone call of good news like it was my morning light. But then comes the bridge:

You are the sunrise 
You are the sunrise, 
there is no mistaking Your light

He is my sunrise. There is no mistaking His light because even if I had gotten everything we had prayed for this year, it wouldn't last forever like He will. The earthly, temporal good news I had been praying for is not the eternally faithful good news. 

So what do we do? We keep going. We fix our eyes and worship even in the why. We trust that He's holding us through this and He still has a plan. 
He is faithful and good.

Thank you Rita Springer for your beautiful song (Gateway Worship)