Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Monday, December 12, 2016
Silent Night
To all you moms and dads out there who are waiting for a referral, a letter of acceptance, or any step closer to holding your child.
May God bless you this Christmas. I've been there and I remember the pain. It feels like every step, every day is so long. The waiting is so hard. The nights seem far from peaceful or joyful like the carols we sing.
I remember pouring my heart out to God about missing a little boy I barely knew and hearing Him whisper how glad He was that someone else was loving him too. He had been singing over him all of his life. Now, we sang together.
It is hard to enjoy the holidays when all you want is your little one home. I remember wondering what Christmas morning was like for him and now he has enough language to tell me there was no Christmas in China. There were no presents. It was just another day. I'm so glad those days are over and there will always be Christmas now. He didn't know what he was missing, now he can't wait to count down each day.
He loves candlelight services, seeing baby Jesus in the live Nativity, and buying gifts for his family at the school store. He loves peanut clusters and spreading chocolate on homemade toffee. He loves seeing Santa and singing Jingle Bells. My heart is so full.
My heart still hurts though for all those kids waiting. It hurts for all those mamas and babas waiting. But He is not silent. He is working. He will be setting the lonely in families in 2017. Hold on to Him and His perfect timing.
If you haven't adopted and your heart is open to hearing more, please just ask. I would love to point you in a direction that leads you closer to a child that waits.
Liam update: He is doing well in school and loving the holiday season. We are getting a second opinion on his heart next month and we are starting to explain to him what that means. Thank you for all of your love and support.
Monday, August 22, 2016
The Dangerous Song
We sang a song this Sunday at church that could change a person's life, but only if they mean it.
And for our family's next steps, we will keep praying and singing. We will savor every moment of just being whole as a family again. We will celebrate all that He is brought us through. We will breathe in the peace of this moment.
Whatever You want
Whatever You ask
Our lives are Yours
We gladly lay them in Your hands
Whatever You ask
Our lives are Yours
We gladly lay them in Your hands
I stopped a second during the chorus thinking about the weight of these words because they are very dangerous. I prayed them over 2 years ago and God has called me to things I never dreamed possible. I wouldn't take back a moment of it but if you desire things like "comfort", "normal", "predictable", then this isn't the prayer for you. But it comes with the package of making Him Lord of your life.
In the last 2 years, I've visited Chinese orphanages, adopted a 7 year old and been deployed to the Middle East for 6 months. I've climbed the Great Wall twice, watched people be baptized under the Arabian sky, eaten at Subway in Kuwait, sushi in Tokyo and completed a half marathon in the middle of the night.
It has been an exhausting season and the ambitious person inside me is ready to slay more dragons. Sometimes though, when you pray the dangerous prayer and sing the dangerous song, He says something very different. Right now, the Voice of Heaven has been saying, "Rest and wait."
In some ways this is the hardest thing He could ask of me because it doesn't feel right and I don't know how long it will last. I could see the size of the 'adoption mountain' or the length of the 'deployment desert' but I don't know how long this rest in the valley will be. My husband and I even went to a membership class at church and when we went to check the box to say we were joining the church, neither of us could do it. We want to adopt again but don't feel this is the right time.
The other night we were invited over to have dinner with a family about to adopt a boy from Korea who wanted to hear about our experience bringing Liam home. We had a beautiful night sharing our joys and struggles and hearing their beautiful hearts. That night I asked God for other chances to share the beauty of adoption and I heard Him whisper, "Be faithful with the audience I've already given you." To me, this means for now, I will keep blogging and sharing on social media and trust Him with the rest.
Friday, November 20, 2015
Even in the why
I think most people who are friends with me on Facebook and Instagram would see the adorable pictures of my kids and think this has been just a blissful joy-filled year. That's the problem with social media. I'm not going to post the countless moments that have made this one of the most difficult, heartbreaking years of my life. Don't get me wrong, Liam has been a huge blessing. My kids are wonderful. But our family has gone through unbelievable pain this year and it isn't over yet. I would have never dreamed possible some of the disappointments we have endured. These are just heartbreaks we can't share on social media for a variety of reasons. There have been things we have prayed for that we have watched slip through our hands like sand. I remember Priscilla Shirer say in a conference over 15 years ago, "Hold onto everything loosely, so it won't hurt so much when it is pulled out of your hands." Well, I guess I didn't listen because it has hurt.
Part of why it has hurt is that I've messed up where my joy should come from. Psalm 30:5 says, "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." I have let my prayer request be my hope of having joy and not the Lord. God speaks to me most clearly through music and this song helped me see this.
Even in the why,
in the middle of the night I say
You are good
Though my prayers are heard,
the response is Yours God
You are good
Sorrow may last the whole night,
joy comes in the morning light
You are faithful
God You are faithful,
You have never left my side
I was waiting for the phone call of good news like it was my morning light. But then comes the bridge:
You are the sunrise
You are the sunrise,
there is no mistaking Your light
He is my sunrise. There is no mistaking His light because even if I had gotten everything we had prayed for this year, it wouldn't last forever like He will. The earthly, temporal good news I had been praying for is not the eternally faithful good news.
So what do we do? We keep going. We fix our eyes and worship even in the why. We trust that He's holding us through this and He still has a plan.
He is faithful and good.
Thank you Rita Springer for your beautiful song (Gateway Worship)
Part of why it has hurt is that I've messed up where my joy should come from. Psalm 30:5 says, "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." I have let my prayer request be my hope of having joy and not the Lord. God speaks to me most clearly through music and this song helped me see this.
Even in the why,
in the middle of the night I say
You are good
Though my prayers are heard,
the response is Yours God
You are good
Sorrow may last the whole night,
joy comes in the morning light
You are faithful
God You are faithful,
You have never left my side
I was waiting for the phone call of good news like it was my morning light. But then comes the bridge:
You are the sunrise
You are the sunrise,
there is no mistaking Your light
He is my sunrise. There is no mistaking His light because even if I had gotten everything we had prayed for this year, it wouldn't last forever like He will. The earthly, temporal good news I had been praying for is not the eternally faithful good news.
So what do we do? We keep going. We fix our eyes and worship even in the why. We trust that He's holding us through this and He still has a plan.
He is faithful and good.
Thank you Rita Springer for your beautiful song (Gateway Worship)
Friday, July 24, 2015
Kids from here...and kids from there.
There was a beautiful news story this week about a group of Chinese kids coming to Houston for a hosting program. Hosting orphans is an amazing way to let them experience another culture while people can meet them and hopefully begin the process of adopting them. That should be the end of the story but it wasn't. Unfortunately, I read the comments. We have an ongoing joke on Twitter about never reading the comments but sometimes you just can't help it. I knew what people were going to say but the frequency of people saying the same predictable thing was just mindblowing.
Here's the basic gist of many of the Facebook comments:
"That's great and all but why don't people adopt from America first when we have so many kids that need families"
I have actually had people say this to me so let me address this. Most of these people are Christians so let me translate what I hear when someone says this.
"Why don't we pull every missionary out of the mission field because we have unsaved people here in America?"
"Why don't we stop sending food to other countries because we have starving people here in America?"
"Why don't we keep doctors from serving overseas because we have sick people here in America?"
So let me answer that from my perspective:
We go into all the world because that is where Jesus sent us.
I really could stop right there but you know I won't.
Jesus didn't draw the border around America and say "Hey ya'll, take care of your problems right around you first and then maybe worry about them foreigners."
I promise He didn't say that. I've checked. He actually cleared this up in the story about the Good Samaritan. He told a man how to attain eternal life (by loving God and his neighbor) and then went on to tell the story about how a Samaritan man (foreigner) took care of someone who couldn't take care of himself. He said that the Samaritan was the injured man's true neighbor.
So why are some people called to minister on the streets of Kansas City and others on the streets of Indonesia? Because that's where God called them.
Why are some people practicing medicine in Cleveland and some people doing the same in Angola? Because that's where God called them or where they choose to work.
Why are some people fostering and adopting kids from their town and others adopting kids from the other side of the world. Because that's where God called them or they feel like that process is best for their family.
The foster/adoption process is very different domestically and internationally. I went to a local adoption and fostering support group last night and every single family's story was completely different. The tie that bound all of us together was that we were all loving children that we did not give birth to and it was beautiful and broken. It was filled with deep pain and great joy.
Let me clear up a few things though that many people just do not know. Of all the kids in foster care, only about 1/4 of them are available for adoption. That is because many of them are waiting for their parents or another family member to regain their ability to care for them. From what I have seen, our system is set up to keep kids with their biological family. That is not usually possible internationally. We do not know who the biological parents are in most of the cases in countries like China and if they came forward, they would most likely be punished greatly for abandoning their child.
Domestically, of those that are available, many are older or a part of a sibling group and not every family is able to take in multiple children or teenagers. But kids are being adopted from foster care. I personally know many families who have done just that. It happens every day. If every person who commented on that Facebook page entered the world of domestic adoption and fostering, we would have far less of a problem. If just one of every 500 Americans actually adopted who said they had considered it, every child in this country would have a home.
There are also many people hoping to adopt a newborn in our country. Here is the nine page list of them just from one agency in our area. There was a single woman in our group last night that has been waiting for 2 years for a baby to adopt. There are loving families praying for a baby to fill a place in their home.
I pray that more people do answer the call to adopt and foster domestically. I also pray that more people answer the call to adopt internationally. God loves the little children of the world and they all need a family. He loves the kids from here...and the kids from there.
Here's the basic gist of many of the Facebook comments:
"That's great and all but why don't people adopt from America first when we have so many kids that need families"
I have actually had people say this to me so let me address this. Most of these people are Christians so let me translate what I hear when someone says this.
"Why don't we pull every missionary out of the mission field because we have unsaved people here in America?"
"Why don't we stop sending food to other countries because we have starving people here in America?"
"Why don't we keep doctors from serving overseas because we have sick people here in America?"
So let me answer that from my perspective:
We go into all the world because that is where Jesus sent us.
I really could stop right there but you know I won't.
Jesus didn't draw the border around America and say "Hey ya'll, take care of your problems right around you first and then maybe worry about them foreigners."
I promise He didn't say that. I've checked. He actually cleared this up in the story about the Good Samaritan. He told a man how to attain eternal life (by loving God and his neighbor) and then went on to tell the story about how a Samaritan man (foreigner) took care of someone who couldn't take care of himself. He said that the Samaritan was the injured man's true neighbor.
So why are some people called to minister on the streets of Kansas City and others on the streets of Indonesia? Because that's where God called them.
Why are some people practicing medicine in Cleveland and some people doing the same in Angola? Because that's where God called them or where they choose to work.
Why are some people fostering and adopting kids from their town and others adopting kids from the other side of the world. Because that's where God called them or they feel like that process is best for their family.
The foster/adoption process is very different domestically and internationally. I went to a local adoption and fostering support group last night and every single family's story was completely different. The tie that bound all of us together was that we were all loving children that we did not give birth to and it was beautiful and broken. It was filled with deep pain and great joy.
Let me clear up a few things though that many people just do not know. Of all the kids in foster care, only about 1/4 of them are available for adoption. That is because many of them are waiting for their parents or another family member to regain their ability to care for them. From what I have seen, our system is set up to keep kids with their biological family. That is not usually possible internationally. We do not know who the biological parents are in most of the cases in countries like China and if they came forward, they would most likely be punished greatly for abandoning their child.
Domestically, of those that are available, many are older or a part of a sibling group and not every family is able to take in multiple children or teenagers. But kids are being adopted from foster care. I personally know many families who have done just that. It happens every day. If every person who commented on that Facebook page entered the world of domestic adoption and fostering, we would have far less of a problem. If just one of every 500 Americans actually adopted who said they had considered it, every child in this country would have a home.
There are also many people hoping to adopt a newborn in our country. Here is the nine page list of them just from one agency in our area. There was a single woman in our group last night that has been waiting for 2 years for a baby to adopt. There are loving families praying for a baby to fill a place in their home.
I pray that more people do answer the call to adopt and foster domestically. I also pray that more people answer the call to adopt internationally. God loves the little children of the world and they all need a family. He loves the kids from here...and the kids from there.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Almost there
I have updated our timeline blog about where we are in our adoption process and what future dates look like. We now have plane tickets purchased and a vague itinerary of when we are going to China and how that trip will look. We are waiting to pay for our in country travel package so that we can see how things are looking financially.
Right now though we are focusing on spending time as a family of 5 and thinking about packing for a 2 week trip to China.
People sometimes don't realize what a tremendous thing this is for Liam. He isn't winning the lottery. This isn't Little Orphan Annie. He's a real kid that has been well taken care of around friends and nannies who have loved him for the past 7 years. He's about to leave all that he knows and have to learn a new family, culture and language. Is it better for him in a family? Absolutely or we wouldn't be doing this. Is it going to be easy? For him and for us, the answer is no.
We ask for you to understand if you don't see us around that much this Summer. We will come home and be working on the hard battle of attachment and bonding. We won't be attending church right away. We will be going to lots of doctors and trying to get him ready to start the 1st grade. We love our friends and family and want you to meet him but the reality is that he needs to get used to just us first. Hopefully, the transition will go well and we will be able to introduce him to our lives quickly but we just don't know what it is going to look like right now.
Many people have asked if he knows English or how our Mandarin is. He does not speak any English that we know of. We have been working on basic Mandarin phrases but we are not fluent.
And then the question comes, "How's that going to work?"
It is going to work through love. We are going to do our best. We are going to use technology and hand gestures. We will figure it out and children learn quickly when fully immersed.
We need your prayers. We need peace. We need safety for our trip. We need Liam's physical and spiritual heart to stay strong.
Thank you to each one of you that is part of this story. We will not be putting much publicly on social media during our trip so if you want to follow along, please follow our Facebook group.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Closer
Every day is getting us closer to holding Liam in our arms. We are so thankful for all of your support and the pancake breakfast was a great success. This was thanks to all those who came, donated to the silent auction, generously bid, and volunteered. We now think we are very close to being fully funded. We are very blessed to announce that we received a grant from Sowing Roots and a very generous gift from a friend that will help us greatly with our travel costs. We still don't know exactly how much our travel costs will be but we pray that God will continue to provide as He has done so faithfully. We are also still waiting to hear from two other grant organizations so we leave it all in His hands.
We are currently waiting for some steps to take place between the CCCWA (government agency in China that oversees the children) and the US consulate. I honestly don't understand all that has to happen even when it is explained to me by my agency but so far things have been going very smoothly. We have been provisionally approved for his immigration to the United States and we are just waiting for TA (travel approval) to book tickets. As it stands right now, we are hoping to be in China the first 2 weeks of June.
As we have been waiting, we have received some beautiful pictures and updates on how Liam is doing. He is growing well and they say he has been very healthy. We sent a care package with pictures, etc and the orphanage says that he knows he is being adopted. We pray that our hearts will be ready for him and that he will be prepared for us. We don't know how he feels about that but he looks happy in the pictures. We know this will be a big adjustment and we will spend much of this summer quietly at home so that he can learn his new surroundings.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Loaves and Fishes
I'm still struggling constantly with trusting that the finances to pay for this adoption are going to be there when we need them. It has been a daily battle between me and God. I pour out how afraid and confused I am, He finds ways to reassure me that He is there. I believe one of the biggest and most frequent ways God can speak into our life is through the wisdom of those you respect and trust.
Yesterday I saw a quote from Pastor Robert Morris from Gateway Church is Southlake that said this, "The Miracle of the five loaves and two fishes did not happen in the Master's hands. It happened in the disciples's hands...when they obeyed the Master."
Then I also saw this tweet from John Piper the same morning: "Do you have only a five-loaves-and-two-fish measure of strength for 5,000 demands? Bring it to Jesus. Matthew 14:18"
I always feel like when I see something like this repeated, it is God trying to get my attention. I really feel like there are some amazing parallels to our adoption finances.
First, the food crisis Jesus addressed didn't occur until late in the day. He had been teaching all day when people started getting hungry and needing to really find some food. We are also in the final stages in our adoption. Our paperwork could be approved any day in Beijing and then we start working on travel. So far, we have had every dollar we have needed up to this point.
Then the disciples figured it was quitting time because there just simply wasn't enough. When they find someone with some food, they know that won't be enough. A boy with a small basket of food couldn't begin to feed the thousands with hungry bellies. I know that feeling. I keep running the numbers of how much we still need and I'm overwhelmed by how far we have to go. I keep looking for earthly solutions to a God-sized problem.
But Jesus sees our "not enough" and He tells us to bring it to Him. He first stops looks to Heaven and thanks God for the food in the basket. That's why I believe He is calling me to. He wants to me to keep my eyes on Him and be thankful for what I have, not what I still need.
And then a miracle happens. They start passing out this small amount and thousands are fed. That must have been unbelievable to watch as the baskets kept going through the crowd and every time someone reached in, there was enough. Not just enough to keep them from starving but the Bible says they were satisfied. They were full.
But that wasn't the end of the story. There were 12 baskets left; one for each of the disciples. He doesn't just give us enough but He gives some to take with us.
This is my prayer. That I would take everything we have and have been given to Him, keep my eyes on Heaven and know that when we need to reach in the basket, it will be there.
photo from Bruno Raymond (text added)
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
My Attachment Issues
My cousin posted this article from Jen Hatmaker on my Facebook page recently. I had to stop and think if this was to warn me or to encourage me. She said it was for "preparation" and I actually read the whole thing aloud to Jeff.
I was praying about it the next morning asking God if Liam could go through these stages quickly, especially the "Spaz Out". I prayed that he would know that we love him and even though he wouldn't understand every word we said. I prayed that there would be a bond and he would feel like part of our family. I prayed that he would trust us and understand we treasure him even as we have to teach him the rules and enforce loving discipline.
Instantly, I heard God ask, "Which stage are you in?"
"What?" I asked
"I adopted you and brought you not only into my family but into my kingdom. Do you feel like you are a part of it? Do you know that when I'm disciplining you, it is because I love you and for your good? Do you trust me as your Father and know I have your best interests at heart just as you will for Liam?"
Well, that was intense. After 36 years, if I'm to really be honest with you, I'm still in "Spaz Out". I throw inward pity-parties and fits when God doesn't answer my prayers on my time table. I still put on a pretty face at church and act like its all okay when it really isn't. I don't communicate with Him as often as I should because I don't feel like I even understand the language He is speaking.
And like an adoptive father, He keeps pursuing me with love. He keeps using "pull-close" parenting methods and inviting me to just sit with Him and let Him hold me when things don't make sense. He gives me "time-ins" instead of "time-outs" so I can take a breath for a minute and figure out where I went wrong.
I think I'm ready to move on to the next stage. I want to trust His love and be fully ingrafted into His family. I think a lot of it is a choice though. Just as it will be for Liam. He is going to have to choose that even though we are strangers, we love him like he is our biological son. I shouldn't ask Liam to do anything I'm not willing to do.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight
Proverbs 3: 5-6
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Retracing my Steps
Photo by Jeff Stevenson
Bob Goff had a wonderful quote this morning on Twitter that really sums up where I have been for the last few weeks: "Sometimes God lets us lose hope for a moment, so we'll retrace our steps and find Him all over again."
There are days lately when I have lost hope. The financial part of this just seemed too big. I even started thinking that maybe this was just all an idea in my own head, not God's plan. Because logically, I selfishly wanted to spend all my money chasing a kid on the other side of the planet who doesn't speak English. Thinking about it now seems really absurd. But when you are wandering and waiting, your flesh makes you doubt what you know in your soul is true. He ordained this and He is in charge and even when the numbers don't make sense, He is sovereign.
The problem is that in Dave Ramsey language, I'm the Free Spirit turned Nerd. I'm the one that handles our family's budget and bills. My husband handles our small business finances. It works great until I add up how much we have left to pay on the adoption and have a panic attack.
Here are the numbers:
We have already paid $17,519.54. This is the first time I have added that up. Wow, where did that come from God? Some of that came from people just handing us a check, our garage sales, things I have made and sold on Facebook. $2000 of it came from the online gifts people have given to AdoptTogether. A lot of it came from our budget. We didn't go on vacation this year, we used any extra money we could find, etc. That still blows my mind though because we normally don't have thousands left over at the end of the month. I can't really explain that number.
I'm estimating we still have $23,420 to go in the next few months. Why? Because:
REFERRAL & TRAVEL
3rd Installment of Program Fee $2,000
Referral Translation Fee ($475
for waiting child) $250
International Program Fee (1
child) ••• $7,300
Post Adoption Administrative Fee $900
Post Adoption Visits $1200
China Orphan Care Fee
(This fee will be used to provide on-going support and care for orphans in China through direct projects AWAA will be involved in through our Waiting Children Program and orphanage partnerships.) $600
(This fee will be used to provide on-going support and care for orphans in China through direct projects AWAA will be involved in through our Waiting Children Program and orphanage partnerships.) $600
Airfare (2 adults; prices
will vary by season and location) $3300
Airfare
(1 child; prices will vary by season, location and ticket) $1000
(1 child; prices will vary by season, location and ticket) $1000
Visas (2 adults) $390
Visa Filing & Processing Fee for
Adopted Child (per child) $480
In-Country Travel Package (2
adults) •••• $6000
Travel for 2 adults and a child in China for around 17 days is expensive. We aren't just going on a vacation to Beijing, we are flying to Liam's province and then to Guangzhou where the US Embassy is and then back with another person. We have a guide/translator for our group and meals and some activities to keep a 7 year old busy.
That $7,300 International Program Fee is very important. It includes the $5,500 we pay to Liam's orphanage for taking care of him all these years and his medical exams, passport, notary, visa, etc.
So, we have $3000 on hand right now and almost $8000 left to request from AdoptTogether. So that $24,420 number is actually down to $12,420. We are praying that we get some kind of tax refund and we have a 3rd paycheck month coming up. We have some clients that owe us for photography work that is coming up soon and we are praying we get a couple of grants. We are hoping the golf tournament fills in the rest. We hope we get more donations on AdoptTogether.
Ultimately though, it is in God's hands. We honestly were planning on waiting to adopt until we had the bulk of the money first. But God has been faithful so far and we are believing that He will provide. We don't have enough words of gratitude for those who have given so far. You have been our answered prayer.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Apples of Gold
First, I want to update you that we were logged into the system in China on 1/27/15.
That is amazing! Our paperwork got there on Monday and was logged in the next day! I could not ask for more. Here's a great website that explains all the acronyms and stages of our adoption.
Acronyms
So now we wait. This will probably be the longest silence in this process but we just pray that someone translates quickly and we hear something soon.
My two biggest prayers during this process have been about the timing and the money. That was on my heart last night as I sat down with some friends to discuss a book we have been reading together (Anything by Jennie Allen). I was silently praying as we talked that God would speak somehow to those two concerns on my heart. I woke up this morning and checked Facebook to find 2 posts on my wall. One was from a friend from church.
He posted this devotion:
I have a confession. I often wonder what God is up to, like when my husband and I finally decided to adopt a baby girl from China and then the wait extended from one year to three and beyond. (We’re still waiting.) Seriously, God, you placed adoption on our hearts only to have us wait?
Jesus’ friend John wondered what God was up to, too. “When John, who was in prison, heard about the deeds of the Messiah, he sent his disciples to ask him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?’” (Matthew 11:2–3).
Jesus’ answer to John wasn’t something He pulled out of thin air. When Jesus spoke of the deaf hearing and lame walking John no doubt remembered the words of the prophet Isaiah: “Your God will come . . . then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy” (Isaiah 35:4–5).
For someone who understood Scripture as John did, Jesus’ message was powerful.
There are times in my life when I’ve questioned, “Jesus, are You the one?” Are You the one who called us to adoption? Are You the one who can take away my disappointment over the wait and wipe away my tears?
In my moments of doubting, Jesus gave me an answer similar to John’s: “Haven’t you seen what I’ve done?” Memories stirred in my mind of the times in the past He showed up. His Word reminded me to expect Him in this situation, too. As I relinquished my plan and timetable to God, another miracle happened—a birth mom approached us about adopting her baby. So even though we’re still waiting for one child, in the end we will be blessed with two!
Jesus came performing miracles not for His sake, but for mine. I can relinquish my will, knowing He has the perfect plan. When I look to Him I don’t need to worry about getting my hopes up. Believing in Him, I will never be disappointed.
Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about the hundred talents I paid for these Israelite troops?” The man of God replied, “The Lord can give you much more than that.” (2 Chronicles 25:9 NIV)
This reminded me of your adoption costs this morning and how God can provide you so much more! Congrats on LID!
Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances. Proverbs 25:11
Today was filled with beautiful apples.
Photo from: http://coffeechaosandcontentment.blogspot.com/2011/09/apples-of-gold.html
Monday, January 26, 2015
DTC!
Finally our dossier is in China (DTC is Dossier to China)! Now we wait for it to be logged in, translated and approved. It is still a long way from the finish line but it is a huge step and feels like a light shining in the darkness of waiting.
We don't know how long all of that will take. We ask that you pray with us for it to all happen quickly. Liam has been waiting 7 years and we don't want him to wait another moment to have a family.
We got the news that our dossier was on its way while we were volunteering at Catalyst Dallas last Friday. It was an amazing chance to serve others and still get to hear the amazing line up of speakers. My heart was encouraged to hear so many of them saying the same message of not giving up when things look hopeless. They all told their own testimony of persistence in the face of overwhelming odds and I needed to hear it.
We heard Bob Goff speak just minutes after getting the email from our agency and I was overwhelmed with emotion at the end of his talk. If you haven't read "Love Does", go out and get it today and if you have, I hope it impacted your life. We all need to take the resources God gives us and go out and live the gospel. We all need to be changed into the next, more humble version of ourselves. I'm going to keep working at becoming that Sarah; the one that loves even bigger, serves even faster and shares Christ even more boldly.
Our current prayer requests:
-a quick log in date of our dossier
-golfers to sign up for the golf tournament
-financial provision for our travel costs
-more children to find families
Monday, January 12, 2015
What's down in the valley
Adoption is a journey and every journey is filled with highs and lows. These last few months have been fairly low. We are at that point where you know you have so far to go, we aren't sure if we have the resources to make it and there's so much unknown around every corner.
But we press ahead trusting that Someone is going before us and there is so much more blessing ahead than pitfalls behind. The mountain tops are beautiful but there is something amazing down in the valley if you really look.
You will find streams of refreshment fed by the presence of the Lord. You can rest in the shadows of His holy mountain. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither-- whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1:3
You find community. People also going on the same journey, those who have gone before you or those who just want to cheer you on your way are there in the valley. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25
You find rest. There is so much coming as we scale those mountains that we are trying to remember to stop and rest before the bigger challenges come. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones. Psalm 127:2
I was plagued by doubt this weekend. We have had some news that really made me wonder if I really heard from God when we started this. But faithfully, God has listened. He has told me some things I didn't really want to hear. That's usually how I know its Him. He has reminded me why we started this journey and that He alone knows the path it will take. He has sent people to give us a word in due season or just to pray with us.
I'm frustrated
I'm confused
I feel in chaos
But He's there in the valley with me.
Monday, January 5, 2015
No Turning Back
I was reading my daily devotional from "Heart of the Matter" and the verse of the day was from 1 Kings 19. I was supposed to read the first 9 verses about God comforting Elijah in the wilderness but I kept reading. The last 3 verses of the chapter were about Elijah calling Elisha to be his assistant and they blew me away:
19 Elijah left and found Elisha plowing a field with a pair of oxen. There were eleven other men in front of him, and each one was also plowing with a pair of oxen. Elijah went over and put his own coat on Elisha.[f]
20 Elisha stopped plowing and ran after him. “Let me kiss my parents good-by, then I’ll go with you,” he said.
“You can go,” Elijah said. “But remember what I’ve done for you.”
21 Elisha left and took his oxen with him. He killed them and boiled them over a fire he had made with the wood from his plow. He gave the meat to the people who were with him, and they ate it. Then he left with Elijah and became his assistant.
1 Kings 19: 19-21 CEV
That last verse just hits you. Can you imagine spending your life working in the fields, going out to plow one day and by that night you are boiling your oxen on top of your plow? That's commitment. That's saying, "Hey guys, come on over for a BBQ! What am I cooking? Just my livelihood. But I'm going with this guy!"
Yesterday felt like that to me a little. I didn't kill any livestock but I thought about the picture I posted to Facebook of my girls blowing out their future brother's birthday candle. I have told these girls that this adoption is happening and they believe it. There were moments contemplating celebrating Liam's birthday where I thought, 'What if he never comes home to us? What if I'm filling my girls' with ideas that they are going to get a brother and it never happens? What if I guide them to loving a child on the other side of the world and they never see his face. What if all these people give us money and we never go to China and get him?'
It happens. Adoption is dangerous. Countries shut down the process at the drop of a diplomatic hat. Ask families that were in process in West African nations when Ebola broke out.
Ask families that were in process in Ukraine or Russia when those nations' adoption policies changed.
It has happened in places due to natural disasters, coups, or just strained relations with the United States.
Instead of lighting my oxen on fire over my plow, I light a birthday candle and sang for a child I may never hold again. I choose to believe that no matter what happens, if God shuts a door, it is His door to shut. I choose to live a life that doesn't put emotional, financial or physical security over His calling.
I want to be like Elisha and when God calls, I'm ready to answer and like any good Texan, I'll throw some BBQ for my friends while I'm at it. And yes, that's a buttermilk pecan pie we are eating in the picture instead of cake. I hope Liam likes pecan pie.
Yesterday felt like that to me a little. I didn't kill any livestock but I thought about the picture I posted to Facebook of my girls blowing out their future brother's birthday candle. I have told these girls that this adoption is happening and they believe it. There were moments contemplating celebrating Liam's birthday where I thought, 'What if he never comes home to us? What if I'm filling my girls' with ideas that they are going to get a brother and it never happens? What if I guide them to loving a child on the other side of the world and they never see his face. What if all these people give us money and we never go to China and get him?'
It happens. Adoption is dangerous. Countries shut down the process at the drop of a diplomatic hat. Ask families that were in process in West African nations when Ebola broke out.
Ask families that were in process in Ukraine or Russia when those nations' adoption policies changed.
It has happened in places due to natural disasters, coups, or just strained relations with the United States.
Instead of lighting my oxen on fire over my plow, I light a birthday candle and sang for a child I may never hold again. I choose to believe that no matter what happens, if God shuts a door, it is His door to shut. I choose to live a life that doesn't put emotional, financial or physical security over His calling.
I want to be like Elisha and when God calls, I'm ready to answer and like any good Texan, I'll throw some BBQ for my friends while I'm at it. And yes, that's a buttermilk pecan pie we are eating in the picture instead of cake. I hope Liam likes pecan pie.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
How I'm really Doing
So how am I doing?
I'm aching to hold my son.
I'm frustrated by an adoption system out of my control.
I'm concerned by the $15K we still need and the time that is running out.
I'm thankful to a God who is in control and a husband who holds me through it.
This week was the first time I let myself cry missing Liam. I've tried to have a great attitude but some days I just miss his smile and I want to hold him again.
So if you ask me how the adoption is going, just be prepared that I'm going to be honest.
I want others to adopt and I want to be transparent about the process. But filling your heads with ideas that you just fill out a couple of forms and hop on a plane wouldn't be fair to anyone. Adoption is work. It is waiting longer than you want. It is doing everything you can and then fixing it anyway.
That is what God did for us. I'm sure that ride on a donkey for Mary or the walk to Calvary to redeem us was physically and emotionally horrific. But God would do anything to reach us. He sent his Word across the heavens to the lowliest places to adopt us as His children.
I pray that this is the last Christmas we spend without Liam. I pray his heart is strong and he feels the love we have for him from across the Pacific.
We are coming sweet boy...I promise. Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Fix My Eyes
Every time I hear this song, I have so many thoughts about adoption. So I'm going to break it down for you
LOVE LIKE YOU'RE NOT SCARED
I'm scared. I'm scared the adoption won't got through. I'm scared it will take longer than I hope. I'm scared that Liam won't love us or won't attach to our family. Add about 5,325 other things to that list and I'm scared. But from the beginning, God told me to do this afraid if I have to but do it anyway because His perfect love will cast out all these fears. So I'm doing this with His love in spite of any fear.
GIVE WHEN IT'S NOT FAIR
I feel like so many people are doing this right now. They are giving money, we are giving money and it doesn't seem fair that adoption is so expensive. I wish I didn't have to ask anyone to give. I wish we had the funds to pay for this and not ask for a dime.
LIVE LIFE FOR ANOTHER
Our life is partially on hold right now. I pray that I'm still spending enough time with my kids but we could have been going to movies instead of meeting with social workers. The crazy part is that Liam has no idea. Sometimes when God calls you to live for another, that other person doesn't even know or appreciate what is happening.
TAKE TIME FOR A BROTHER
This line always makes me smile. I know they mean "brother" in the way of everyone being your "brother" but this gets personal. I lost my brother in 2003 and I can't wait for my girls to know what life is like to have a brother. It is worth every moment we wait.
FIGHT FOR THE WEAK ONES
We all have to remember those who can't fight for themselves. We have to be their voice and defend those in true need. Liam's heart is weak and I'm going to do whatever I can to fight for him to have the longest, healthiest life he can have.
SPEAK OUT FOR FREEDOM
Those kids in orphanages around the world are not free. Many could be sold into human trafficking rings as they age out at 14 or 15 years old. Even if they make it out safely, they will always be known as an orphan and in many cultures, it is a shameful stigma that follows them the rest of their lives.
FIND FAITH IN THE BATTLE
I couldn't do this without my husband, friends and family. I'm so blessed to have a cousin who has adopted and I can pick her brain about what to expect. Sometimes, you just need encouragement and yes, even a hug (I'm not usually a big hug fan). Battles like adoption can be long and exhausting. We need prayer just to keep going.
STAND TALL BUT ABOVE IT ALL...FIX MY EYES ON YOU
I have to remember who and why we are called to this. We are not worthy to even dream of being Liam's parents but for some reason so far we are being given this amazing chance. I have to fix my eyes on His plan for our lives and trust Him that the mountains of paperwork will pay off.
ADOPTION UPDATE: Everything is submitted to our agency and we are waiting for it to be certified and sent to China. We are currently planning a golf tournament for late February and submitting as many grant requests as possible. Thank you everyone who is praying and for every penny given!!!
Update #2: I emailed today and it is all still at the secretaries of state: please pray that it gets back to our agency soon to be sent to China!!!
Labels:
adoption,
faith,
fear,
fundraising,
waiting
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Completing the Puzzle
photo source
Usually every time I speak to someone about the adoption
process, the question about cost inevitably comes up. I watch each time as
people’s jaws drop over the number. I’ll admit that my mouth dropped a little
bit, too when I first heard the cost. I already knew it wasn't an easy number,
but it hits you harder when it’s actually spoken to you.
After they gather up their jaws, the next response is
usually the rhetorical question, “Why is adoption so high?” The question they
are really asking is, “Why is it so hard to do something good?”
I could go into an article about why adoption should be
expensive and draw parallels to the cost Christ paid to bring us back into His
family. Instead, I’d rather talk about how we are dealing with this
overwhelming impossibility. Simply put, we are having faith.
The struggle with faith is really an emotional one. Having
faith is a matter of calming our nerves about the gap between what is and what
must be. It’s our circumstances versus reality. Our eyes can be easily
deceived. All too often, we can take what we can see and choose to believe it
as fact. As humans, we like this. We like knowing that we know that we know
that we know everything about our circumstances. We like to leave nothing to
chance. So we look at the puzzle pieces before our eyes and try to put them
together.
However, the sights before our eyes can actually be lying to
us. We assume the pieces will fit together so we try to assemble the puzzle.
But what happens when the puzzle is incomplete? We sit in confusion as the
puzzle we thought should have fit together just won’t work. We assume that we
have failed. Then we are horrified because we choose to believe the puzzle will
never be completed. And we are right. There is no way to complete the puzzle
given the pieces at hand.
This gap between the incomplete and the completed puzzle is
where worry lives. Worry thrives in our despair over the belief that not only
is the puzzle incomplete, but that it will never
be completed. But what else are we supposed to believe? The circumstances that
we see tell us that the puzzle will not work, therefore, it will never work.
But just because the puzzle is incomplete, it doesn't mean that
it can’t or won’t be completed. Just because the pieces aren't at hand, doesn't
mean they don’t exist nor does it mean that we need fret about getting them.
How can we believe this? How can we believe something that we don’t see?
That’s
faith.
Our family has a “Verse of the Week” that we write on a
chalkboard in our kitchen. Here is the verse for this week from a few different
translations:
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s
masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good
things he planned for us long ago. (NLT)
He creates each of us
by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten
ready for us to do, work we had better be doing. (MSG)
God has made us what
we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in
advance for us to live our lives doing. (NCV)
What struck me when I read this verse was that not only has
God called us to do the work, but He has planned the work in advance. He has
set up circumstances, arranged meetings, and scheduled events to line up and
pave the way for us to do what He has called us to do. (Another cool thought is
that the work we are doing is part of paving the way for the work of someone
else, too!) God never calls us to do something that He Himself hasn’t prepared
for us to do well in advance.
My wife will often teach me about the ways of Twitter. One
such thing is this idea of a shot/chaser in the news. This means that 2 disparate
news stories can actually help explain each other when put together. There are
lots of these in the Bible. There are many verses where they explain something
of the nature of God and have a story that backs it up in a different chapter
or book.
So, let’s assume Ephesian 2:10 is the shot. Here is a
chaser…
The passage in these 3 Gospels describes Jesus instructing
His disciples to prepare the room for them to hold the Passover meal (which
would be the Last Supper). He sends them, tells them what will happen and when
they go they find everything just as He said. Everything was arranged for them
to complete the task. Here is another chaser…
In this passage, Jesus sends His disciples to get a donkey
from the town ahead of them. He doesn’t say to go find a donkey. He tells them
exactly where it is and that the owners will already know that it is for Jesus.
When they go, again everything is just as He said.
Our current circumstances show us that we do not have enough
to afford this adoption on our own. However, as crazy as it seems, I wouldn’t
want to do it alone. This journey has been far more interesting than if we’d
had the necessary funds from the beginning. This journey has provided our
community with an opportunity to bless and, in blessing, an opportunity to obey
God themselves. I have been far more astonished by God’s provision and the
generosity of others than I ever was about the cost of adoption.
So we are choosing to have faith for the unseen. We may not
have all the pieces right now, but I’m excited to see the donkeys and rooms
that God arranged for us to complete this puzzle.
Labels:
adoption,
faith,
fear,
fundraising,
waiting
Monday, October 27, 2014
Never fast enough
Before I could barely say "amen", God has been answering my heart's cry. He enabled me to represent our agency at ShowHope at a local Casting Crowns concert last Saturday. I got to tell our story thus far of our adoption to couples interested in learning about adoption. I passed out information, showed off Liam's picture and prayed and cried with people. He also had my husband's lifegroup ask him to tell our story this morning!
At the booth with me on Saturday, I was working with one of the ladies from our agency who helped process our home study. The first thing she said to me was, "Your adoption is going so fast!!" to which I promptly burst into tears. She's right. If things keep going how they are, our adoption will be about the length of a pregnancy, but try to tell a pregnant lady that those months are flying by. Also, imagine one of your kids was in China in less than optimal conditions and you couldn't see them for 9-12 months. That is how my heart feels. Every day that goes by is a day further away from the last day I held Liam. He's growing older, changing and I'm not there to see it. He's probably lost more teeth and gotten taller. No matter how fast we go it will never be fast enough.
So we press on. Last week we got our fingerprint letter with Immigration and Naturalization and it set our appointment for early November. We went in to try to get it done more quickly and it worked! Now we are just waiting for approval.
We are also so grateful for the donations. We have already brought in over $3200 in the first 3 weeks of our online giving campaign. Thank you all so much. You are part of Liam's story. Thank you for every prayer because things are going so quickly. But for this mom's heart, it can never be fast enough so keep praying!
We are also so grateful for the donations. We have already brought in over $3200 in the first 3 weeks of our online giving campaign. Thank you all so much. You are part of Liam's story. Thank you for every prayer because things are going so quickly. But for this mom's heart, it can never be fast enough so keep praying!
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