Unanswered Questions

"Any family medical history we should know about?"

It was a standard question. It came after asking about allergies and current medications. The medical technician was just doing her job, but after she left the room to get the doctor, it left me thinking about my son.

I was just in for a sinus infection but it's funny how adoption creeps into every area of my life now. I thought about all the times my son will be asked that question in his life and how he probably won't have much of an answer. I've ordered a DNA testing kit for him and hopefully it will shed some light on the shadows of his medical history but there will always be lingering questions.

I'm thankful to take my kids to an orthodontist who has adopted internationally several times. At the bottom of all the of the family medical history options to check off, there is a box that says, "My child is adopted and I have limited medical history." Tears sprang to my eyes the first time I saw that. I felt understood.

The truth is though that each one of us probably has a little list of unanswered questions. One of my favorite MercyMe songs addresses this in a way that floods my heart with peace:

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from being explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains


When my son hears that question, I pray that it doesn't bring pain. I hope that we raise him to know that none of us has a complete picture of how we ended up where we are but that God is still writing a beautiful story even in the unanswered questions.

Considering international adoption

Maybe you have been moved to adopt and you are wondering where to start. I've been reflecting back on our journey so far and have a few suggestions I would make for anyone contemplating international adoption.

1. Sponsor a child.
This may seem like a strange place to start but I'm glad we did this. We didn't feel like we were ready financially to adopt but we wanted to do something.  Sponsoring a child through World Vision was a great way to talk to our kids about children in financial need around the world.  We started praying and caring for this little girl in Ethiopia and she became part of our family.  There are great organizations like Compassion, World Vision, and Show Hope and they all seem to do an amazing job to change the lives of children in some of the neediest places.

2. Get debt free and have a zero based budget.
There would be no way we could have gotten where we are financially in this adoption if we hadn't done this step.  We took Financial Peace University at our church from Dave Ramsey's organization.  In 18 months, we paid off $39,000 and now the only debt we have is our mortgage.  We have a zero based budget where we plan every dollar before the month begins.  We can be intentional about where our money is going and make a plan.

3. Pray pray pray
Pray for wisdom and direction and learn all you can about orphans.  This is probably the most important step.  Make sure you and your spouse are in the same place emotionally and spiritually.

4. Save at least $5000-$7000
That seems insignificant in a process that may end up costing nearly $40,000 but its a great place to start.  It is enough with our agency to pay for the 1st installment of the agency fees and a home study. Then make a plan.  Plan how much you are able to contribute each month (including how much you can cut from other places), how much you can find quickly (savings, bonuses, extra paychecks, tax returns), and how much you will need to raise in addition to what you can contribute.

5. Make a fundraising plan
Start buy setting up a fundraising website like we have at AdoptTogether.  You need to have a completed home study before it will become active. Then, you can decide what other fundraising options you want to consider. For us, that meant selling shirts, having a yard sale, a pancake breakfast and selling other crafts.  Set up a blog and make a plan for how you are going to share your story on social media.

6. Explore adoption grants
There are a lot of grants out there and they can go a long way in helping families adopt.  Many of them only apply to families under a certain income, faith or location.  We have currently applied for four that we qualified for.  Most of them require you to have a completed home study and many of them can be quite lengthy to complete, but even if just one comes through it would be worth all that effort.

7. Go to an informational seminar or do a webinar
Information is power and hearing other people's stories can really answer a lot of your questions.  We went to a seminar from our agency and it was so key in us feeling right about this and moving forward. It can also just give you an overall feel of an agency and know if it is the right one for your family. Talk to as many adoptive families as you can find and don't be afraid to ask questions.

What's down in the valley

Adoption is a journey and every journey is filled with highs and lows. These last few months have been fairly low. We are at that point where you know you have so far to go, we aren't sure if we have the resources to make it and there's so much unknown around every corner.

But we press ahead trusting that Someone is going before us and there is so much more blessing ahead than pitfalls behind.  The mountain tops are beautiful but there is something amazing down in the valley if you really look.

You will find streams of refreshment fed by the presence of the Lord. You can rest in the shadows of His holy mountain.  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither-- whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1:3

You find community.  People also going on the same journey, those who have gone before you or those who just want to cheer you on your way are there in the valley.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

You find rest. There is so much coming as we scale those mountains that we are trying to remember to stop and rest before the bigger challenges come. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones. Psalm 127:2

I was plagued by doubt this weekend. We have had some news that really made me wonder if I really heard from God when we started this.  But faithfully, God has listened.  He has told me some things I didn't really want to hear. That's usually how I know its Him.  He has reminded me why we started this journey and that He alone knows the path it will take. He has sent people to give us a word in due season or just to pray with us. 

I'm frustrated 
I'm confused
I feel in chaos

But He's there in the valley with me.

Photo Source

A big thank you and the road ahead

We just wanted to take this time to thank everyone who has given and been a part of this story so far. Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for your donations to our yard sales.
Thank you for buying the crafts I've been making.
Thank you for every dollar you have given on our AdoptTogether page or the checks you've just put in our hand.

Again, we didn't anticipate adopting this year. We wanted to save up and pay for all of this ourselves.  But God had a different plan. I believe He wanted to both humble Jeff and I by having us have to ask for help and give all of you an opportunity to be a part of bringing Liam home.  Not everyone is called to adopt but everyone is called to help the widows and orphans and when you give, you are doing that.  Every time we get an email saying "You have a new gift from AdoptTogether", I feel closer to seeing Liam again. He's getting bigger and his 7th birthday is approaching quickly. It is so hard waiting but I have to trust in God's timing.

So, here are some answers to the questions we are getting:
How it is going?
Right now we are in the final stages of our agency getting everything ready to send to China.  Then, all of those documents have to be translated and approved. Overall, it is going fine and we are spending our time now applying for adoption grants to help cover the remaining $15,000 or so we need.

When we will finally bring him home?
I wish I knew but a reasonable guess would be very late Spring or early Summer. We are praying for as soon as possible so that we could possibly have him ready for Kindergarten next Fall. He may not be ready for that and we will make those decisions when we get him home.

Will he need surgeries?
We don't know. We will get him checked out when we get him home and see how his heart is doing.

How will you guys raise the rest of the money?
We will keep our AdoptTogether campaign going. I will keep making crafts. We will keep applying for grants.  And the biggest...we are having a golf tournament.  Jeff is going to blog about that soon but click the button on this site to learn more.

How will you communicate with Liam if he doesn't speak English?
I honestly don't know. I know that love and technology will go a long way and children that are immersed in a language learn very quickly.

Thank you so much for all you have done to help us.  You are a blessing and we pray for you that you will be blessed by being a part of this. Giving on AdoptTogether is secure and tax deductible.  You can give anonymously.  You can give as little or as much as God calls you to. But thank you for each and every gift!

The awkward questions Part 1

So we are already getting questions and we know more people are thinking them and not asking so here goes. I named it "Part 1" because I'm certain there will be more.
If the question is here, it is because we have already heard it.
Yes, I'm serious.

Q. Why not adopt from the United States when there are so many kids here?
A. First and foremost, because God has a unique call on every heart of how to serve Him.  Some people are called to be missionaries in India, some in Germany. Some are called to be doctors, teachers or baristas in America and financially support missionaries.  The same goes for adoption. There are people called to adopt from America and other internationally.  We have had friends and family adopt through the foster care system with varying outcomes. We have talked about many options and prayerfully chosen this one.  Someday we may be in the position to foster if God calls our heart to that. We all have a different adoption story and this one is ours.

Q. How old is Liam and does he speak English?
A. He is 6 and he does not speak English. My family is trying to learn some Mandarin but most kids fully immersed in a new language pick it up quickly.

Q. What's "wrong" with him?
A. Well, last time I checked, nothing. He is a beautiful, perfect child of God. His medical diagnosis is quite another thing. He has a congenital heart defect. We have reviewed his medical records with our doctor and I'm very confident that he will get whatever care he needs when he gets here.  I'm not sure what that will be and honestly I don't care. Am I googling WebMD? Nope. To me, for the same reason I didn't get the quad screen when I was pregnant. I love him for who he is and I trust my Healer with the rest.

Q. What happened to his parents?/Why is he in an orphanage?
A. Most children in China are abandoned because while their parents love them deeply, they cannot afford the medical care their children need.  If Liam wants to look at his records someday and tell this part of his story, that will be his choice.

Q. Is fundraising a thing most adoptive families do?
A. I'm not sure of the statistics but in my experience, most families don't have $30-$40k to adopt.  I wish we did.  We have already used much of our own savings but I believe that by fundraising we are opening Liam's story to many of you.  The Bible says to take care of orphans. Does that mean every family should adopt? I don't believe so. When you support those who are adopting, you are taking care of them. You are participating in the divine work of setting the lonely in families.

Q. When will you get him?
A. Honestly, I have no idea. It will probably quicker than some because we are matched with a "special needs" child.  I am praying for it to go quickly but trusting in God's timing. I believe 6 months to a year from this point is a fair estimate.

Q. I thought there were only girls available in China?
A. While most families in China would prefer their only child to be a boy, if that child has special needs, they are equally likely to end up in an orphanage.  Many families in America want younger girls so right now our agency has an abundance of available boys.

Q. Does China still have the One-Child policy?
A. Yes and no.  That is still the prevailing policy but we heard while we were there that a family that lives in the countryside could now have up to 3 girls, but only 1 boy.

Q. Why did you pick the name Liam?
A. Mostly because I got to name the girls and its Jeff's turn (ha ha).  Liam means warrior and he is from an area of China known for warriors.


And now for a educational and entertaining video that helps cover what to and what not to ask adoptive families: