My biggest regret

Each day gets us a little closer and today our Article 5 was picked up and now we wait for Travel Approval! We are praying it comes in the next few days and we can begin buying airfare and planning our trip.

I have the app "TimeHop" on my phone and I can look back over what I posted on social media over the last 5-6 years every day in a snapshot.  I keep seeing posts I made 5 years ago about all the changes that were going on in our life as I was pregnant with our youngest and moving from Missouri to Texas. As I watch each day of that journey come up on the app, I keep seeing the same thing over and over. I was constantly worried about things that never happened. I was worried we wouldn't sell our house and we did. I was worried our youngest at the time wouldn't do well with the move and she did.

The same is true over the last year of my life and I'm determined to stop.

I've been worried about so many things so far that haven't happened on this journey. I was worried we wouldn't be able to be matched with Liam and we were.  The paperwork seemed too big to overcome but we did it. I fretted that we would never be approved and of course we were. I spent days in agony afraid we wouldn't have the money and it looks like we have it thanks to all those who gave and God's grace.  I regret spending so much time worrying about all of these things that never were an issue.

So here we are waiting to travel and bring our son home. There are a million questions in my mind like about what is about to happen like:

How will we communicate with him?
Will he like our food?
Will he love us or even like us?
Will he be overcome with grief leaving everything he knows?
What is his medical diagnosis going to look like?

I'm determined to not let those worries and questions overwhelm me as we move forward. It may be hard. It may not look how we expect. But God has had this whole process in His hand from the beginning and I believe He did not bring us or Liam this far to leave us now.

I believe Psalm 27 has been the song of this adoption. Take a minute. Quiet your heart. Trust in Him.

You, LORD, are the light

that keeps me safe.

I am not afraid of anyone.

You protect me,

and I have no fears.

²Brutal people may attack

and try to kill me,

but they will stumble.

Fierce enemies may attack,

but they will fall.

³Armies may surround me,

but I won't be afraid;

war may break out,

but I will trust you.

⁴I ask only one thing, LORD:

Let me live in your house

every day of my life

to see how wonderful you are

and to pray in your temple.

⁵In times of trouble,

you will protect me.

You will hide me in your tent

and keep me safe

on top of a mighty rock.

⁶You will let me defeat

all of my enemies.

Then I will celebrate,

as I enter your tent

with animal sacrifices

and songs of praise.

⁷Please listen when I pray!

Have pity. Answer my prayer.

⁸My heart tells me to pray.

I am eager to see your face,

⁹so don't hide from me.

I am your servant,

and you have helped me.

Don't turn from me in anger.

You alone keep me safe.

Don't reject or desert me.

¹⁰Even if my father and mother

should desert me,

you will take care of me.

¹¹Teach me to follow, LORD,

and lead me on the right path

because of my enemies.

¹²Don't let them do to me

what they want.

People tell lies about me

and make terrible threats,

¹³but I know I will live

to see how kind you are.

¹⁴Trust the LORD!

Be brave and strong

and trust the LORD.

Apples of Gold

First, I want to update you that we were logged into the system in China on 1/27/15.
That is amazing! Our paperwork got there on Monday and was logged in the next day!  I could not ask for more. Here's a great website that explains all the acronyms and stages of our adoption.

Acronyms

So now we wait.  This will probably be the longest silence in this process but we just pray that someone translates quickly and we hear something soon.

My two biggest prayers during this process have been about the timing and the money.  That was on my heart last night as I sat down with some friends to discuss a book we have been reading together (Anything by Jennie Allen).  I was silently praying as we talked that God would speak somehow to those two concerns on my heart. I woke up this morning and checked Facebook to find 2 posts on my wall.  One was from a friend from church.

He posted this devotion:
I have a confession. I often wonder what God is up to, like when my husband and I finally decided to adopt a baby girl from China and then the wait extended from one year to three and beyond. (We’re still waiting.) Seriously, God, you placed adoption on our hearts only to have us wait?

Jesus’ friend John wondered what God was up to, too. “When John, who was in prison, heard about the deeds of the Messiah, he sent his disciples to ask him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?’” (Matthew 11:2–3).

Jesus’ answer to John wasn’t something He pulled out of thin air. When Jesus spoke of the deaf hearing and lame walking John no doubt remembered the words of the prophet Isaiah: “Your God will come . . . then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy” (Isaiah 35:4–5).

For someone who understood Scripture as John did, Jesus’ message was powerful.

There are times in my life when I’ve questioned, “Jesus, are You the one?” Are You the one who called us to adoption? Are You the one who can take away my disappointment over the wait and wipe away my tears?

In my moments of doubting, Jesus gave me an answer similar to John’s: “Haven’t you seen what I’ve done?” Memories stirred in my mind of the times in the past He showed up. His Word reminded me to expect Him in this situation, too. As I relinquished my plan and timetable to God, another miracle happened—a birth mom approached us about adopting her baby. So even though we’re still waiting for one child, in the end we will be blessed with two!

Jesus came performing miracles not for His sake, but for mine. I can relinquish my will, knowing He has the perfect plan. When I look to Him I don’t need to worry about getting my hopes up. Believing in Him, I will never be disappointed.

The other was from my cousin who has adopted before from China.

Amaziah asked the man of God, “But what about the hundred talents I paid for these Israelite troops?” The man of God replied, “The Lord can give you much more than that.” (2 Chronicles 25:9 NIV)

This reminded me of your adoption costs this morning and how God can provide you so much more! Congrats on LID!

The first to me was about timing and the second about money.  God was just confirming again to me that He hears the cry of my heart and He is working constantly to bring Liam home. Some days I pour out my heart missing him so much and I hear the Lord say, "Don't you know I love him even more than you do? I will take care of it."

I was reminded of this verse: 
Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken in right circumstances. Proverbs 25:11

Today was filled with beautiful apples.

Photo from: http://coffeechaosandcontentment.blogspot.com/2011/09/apples-of-gold.html

DTC!

Finally our dossier is in China (DTC is Dossier to China)! Now we wait for it to be logged in, translated and approved. It is still a long way from the finish line but it is a huge step and feels like a light shining in the darkness of waiting.

We don't know how long all of that will take.  We ask that you pray with us for it to all happen quickly.  Liam has been waiting 7 years and we don't want him to wait another moment to have a family.

We got the news that our dossier was on its way while we were volunteering at Catalyst Dallas last Friday.  It was an amazing chance to serve others and still get to hear the amazing line up of speakers. My heart was encouraged to hear so many of them saying the same message of not giving up when things look hopeless.  They all told their own testimony of persistence in the face of overwhelming odds and I needed to hear it.

We heard Bob Goff speak just minutes after getting the email from our agency and I was overwhelmed with emotion at the end of his talk.  If you haven't read "Love Does", go out and get it today and if you have, I hope it impacted your life. We all need to take the resources God gives us and go out and live the gospel.  We all need to be changed into the next, more humble version of ourselves.  I'm going to keep working at becoming that Sarah; the one that loves even bigger, serves even faster and shares Christ even more boldly.

Our current prayer requests:
-a quick log in date of our dossier
-golfers to sign up for the golf tournament
-financial provision for our travel costs
-more children to find families

No Turning Back

I was reading my daily devotional from "Heart of the Matter" and the verse of the day was from 1 Kings 19.  I was supposed to read the first 9 verses about God comforting Elijah in the wilderness but I kept reading. The last 3 verses of the chapter were about Elijah calling Elisha to be his assistant and they blew me away:

19 Elijah left and found Elisha plowing a field with a pair of oxen. There were eleven other men in front of him, and each one was also plowing with a pair of oxen. Elijah went over and put his own coat on Elisha.[f]

20 Elisha stopped plowing and ran after him. “Let me kiss my parents good-by, then I’ll go with you,” he said.

“You can go,” Elijah said. “But remember what I’ve done for you.”

21 Elisha left and took his oxen with him. He killed them and boiled them over a fire he had made with the wood from his plow. He gave the meat to the people who were with him, and they ate it. Then he left with Elijah and became his assistant.

1 Kings 19: 19-21 CEV

That last verse just hits you.  Can you imagine spending your life working in the fields, going out to plow one day and by that night you are boiling your oxen on top of your plow? That's commitment.  That's saying, "Hey guys, come on over for a BBQ! What am I cooking? Just my livelihood. But I'm going with this guy!" 

Yesterday felt like that to me a little.  I didn't kill any livestock but I thought about the picture I posted to Facebook of my girls blowing out their future brother's birthday candle.  I have told these girls that this adoption is happening and they believe it. There were moments contemplating celebrating Liam's birthday where I thought, 'What if he never comes home to us? What if I'm filling my girls' with ideas that they are going to get a brother and it never happens? What if I guide them to loving a child on the other side of the world and they never see his face. What if all these people give us money and we never go to China and get him?'

It happens.  Adoption is dangerous.  Countries shut down the process at the drop of a diplomatic hat. Ask families that were in process in West African nations when Ebola broke out.
Ask families that were in process in Ukraine or Russia when those nations' adoption policies changed.
It has happened in places due to natural disasters, coups, or just strained relations with the United States.

Instead of lighting my oxen on fire over my plow, I light a birthday candle and sang for a child I may never hold again. I choose to believe that no matter what happens, if God shuts a door, it is His door to shut. I choose to live a life that doesn't put emotional, financial or physical security over His calling.

I want to be like Elisha and when God calls, I'm ready to answer and like any good Texan, I'll throw some BBQ for my friends while I'm at it. And yes, that's a buttermilk pecan pie we are eating in the picture instead of cake. I hope Liam likes pecan pie.

Somewhere between a backpack and a boulder

My husband and I are big fans of the book Boundaries and one of the concepts that really clicked with me was the examination of two verses from Galatians.  The authors start with looking at Galatians 6:2:

"Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

and then contrasts that with the statement 3 verses later:

"For every man shall bear his own burden."

I intentionally pulled this from the King James because it translates both words as "burden" which might seem confusing.  It looks like you are supposed to carry your own and other people's burdens.  In Boundaries though it shows that the original words were different and they define how we should help one another.  The first burden in verse 2 that we are supposed to share is more like a giant boulder.  It is something huge that no one could carry alone. The second one is more along the lines of a small load that could fit in a backpack that any of us could bear.  In the context of Boundaries, the authors were trying to say that we need to take care of our own basic responsibilities and not be dependent on others for things like our job, our exercise routine, parenting but that we should look to help those with boulders in their life that they can't handle alone like a terrible medical diagnosis, a financial crisis, etc.  

So what does this have to do with adoption?  Everything!  I believe that adoption lies in that gray area somewhere between the two.  We chose this path and we are the ones that have to bear the load of doing the paperwork, getting the medical exams, going through background checks, and a lot of the financial cost.  But I believe that we have the opportunity to ease the burden of those going through adoption (or serving as missionaries, feeding the poor, helping widows) by praying for them, standing by them and supporting them financially.  We know that every Christian is not called to adopt but every Christian is called to help orphans and by helping us, you are doing that.  I am so blessed by the messages, hugs, emails, blog comments, and notes, and checks that have come our way since we announced our adoption.  I read this blog last week about the "The Pros and Cons of Adoption Fundraising" and it really hit home especially the "Teaches Humility" part.  It is hard for me to ask for or accept help but the $30,000 is more than we can do alone in the next 6 months and I have to let people bless us.  Thank you so much for every one of you who has prayed, loved and encouraged us.  You are carrying us right now and our burden is getting lighter every day. Whether you donate, buy a shirt, pray, share our story, whatever you can do, you are part of this journey and we could not feel more blessed.