Silent Night

To all you moms and dads out there who are waiting for a referral, a letter of acceptance, or any step closer to holding your child.

May God bless you this Christmas. I've been there and I remember the pain. It feels like every step, every day is so long. The waiting is so hard. The nights seem far from peaceful or joyful like the carols we sing.

I remember pouring my heart out to God about missing a little boy I barely knew and hearing Him whisper how glad He was that someone else was loving him too. He had been singing over him all of his life. Now, we sang together.

It is hard to enjoy the holidays when all you want is your little one home. I remember wondering what Christmas morning was like for him and now he has enough language to tell me there was no Christmas in China. There were no presents. It was just another day. I'm so glad those days are over and there will always be Christmas now. He didn't know what he was missing, now he can't wait to count down each day.

He loves candlelight services, seeing baby Jesus in the live Nativity, and buying gifts for his family at the school store. He loves peanut clusters and spreading chocolate on homemade toffee. He loves seeing Santa and singing Jingle Bells. My heart is so full.

My heart still hurts though for all those kids waiting. It hurts for all those mamas and babas waiting. But He is not silent. He is working. He will be setting the lonely in families in 2017.  Hold on to Him and His perfect timing.

If you haven't adopted and your heart is open to hearing more, please just ask. I would love to point you in a direction that leads you closer to a child that waits.

Liam update: He is doing well in school and loving the holiday season. We are getting a second opinion on his heart next month and we are starting to explain to him what that means. Thank you for all of your love and support.

China Tech

I see many families about to travel to China struggle with how to navigate the technology challenges and thought I would try to help from some things I've learned. Thankfully, I have built in tech support with my amazing IT husband.  I've learned a lot from him and hopefully this will keep you in touch with everyone back home.

First of all, we should discuss why technology is an issue. China does not have the freedom to use the internet the same way we do in America. Many sites are blocked and that list seems to grow each year. Google, Facebook, Blogspot, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube jump to mind but many email systems (including Gmail because it is part of Google) are also not accessible.

The way around this is to use a VPN. VPNs are Virtual Private Networks and basically tunnel underneath a firewall and make it seem like you are using the internet by wherever you connect to. China obviously knows about these loopholes and has blocked many of these so check with people who have recently traveled to see which VPNs are currently working. You also must have these installed before you leave. You can usually pay a monthly fee to use this service and then cancel it as soon as you come home (I post a date on my calendar to remind myself). VPNs are also important because of security. I would not connect to the internet at all without one. I know of someone who logged on to the hotel's WiFi in China without a VPN and had their PayPal account hacked. This is definitely not something you want to deal with while adopting.

I've seen many people debate how many and which devices to bring with them when they adopt their child. That depends on each family and how much they plan on using them. We took 2 laptops, an iPad and 2 phones. The iPad was mostly for our new child to play on and I pre-installed some games that I thought he would enjoy. He was 7 at adoption and really liked PBS Kids and a game called Grandpa's Workshop. My husband took his laptop to work on the days we had some down time. I took my laptop so we could upload pictures and blog our journey. Many people would be fine with just taking a phone and either a tablet or laptop. Just make sure you have a VPN on each device loaded before you head to China or you will not be able to access the sites I mention above.

The only tech purchase I recommend is a portable/travel router.  We chose the HooToo Nano from Amazon because of price and reviews. These devices are great because the hotels we stayed at had both wired and wireless internet. The WiFi was very weak depending on where your room was within the hotel. Using a travel router allows you to plug in to the hotel's wired internet and have a stronger signal. It makes a little WiFi hotspot with the hotel's internet in your room so you can connect all of your devices to that with a more reliable signal. I believe that we were also able to run the VPN through the HooToo so that we could connect as many devices as we wanted. Usually, VPNs limit the number of connections depending on the provider.

There are a variety of options you can choose with your phone. I kept my phone in airplane mode the entire time we were in China and only used it on WiFi at the hotel. This does limit your ability to communicate so check with your phone provider on their international plan options. Most of them will allow you to buy a temporary international plan with a certain number of minutes, internet data and texts. There is also the option of getting a Panda phone where you rent a Chinese cell phone. You can have it shipped to your home or delivered to your hotel in China.

To call or text on WiFi, you also have a host of options. WeChat is China's instant messaging app that isn't blocked by their firewall. You can set up a WeChat app profile and be able to text anyone in the US or China with an account without connecting first through the VPN. You can usually also use FaceTime without a VPN. I like to use my VPN and text or call through either Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp (another WiFi based texting app). It appears that with Android's recent update, you now have the ability to call or video chat on WiFi like Apple's Facetime.

Another debate I've seen is about how large or expensive of a camera to take. As photographers, this was a debate we also had because we didn't want to lose a large, expensive camera we need for weddings due to breakage, etc. Thankfully, we kept it with us the whole time and had no major issues. I'm glad we had a quality camera with us because of the importance of the trip but you can definitely make it with a smartphone with a decent camera if you are worried about it.

In regards to plugging devices in, there seems to be a great variation of power sources depending on the hotel. Some have American style outlets and even USB ports but I wouldn't count on that.  I would plan on taking some converters/adapters. This website does a great job of explaining why you need one. I really only needed one for my flat iron but since that was very important to me, I'm definitely glad we had it.

Finally, the laws about flying with external battery chargers in China can be tricky. I had one in my carry on the first time and had it confiscated. I tried to keep it in my checked bag the second time and it set off an alarm and they told me to keep it in my carry on. My advice is to only take a cheap one you can afford to lose. I took one from Five Below (discount store) the first time and I didn't cry over losing a $5 item. The second time we took some we got as a giveaway at a baseball game so no big loss if we had it taken. I do like having one in case I'm out all day and my phone is drained.

Let's talk streaming. Netflix has blocked VPNs so I was in the Middle East this Spring and could not use a VPN to get into my Netflix account. Amazon Prime worked great with my VPN. The reality is though that many hotels will not have strong enough signals for streaming but it may be worth a shot depending on your hotel. Most airlines with WiFi (which will cost you) will tell you up front that they cannot stream but you can surf the web. They may have certain movies though that you can watch from their site or on your seatback. I would not count on being able to stream a lot during your flights or while you are in China. It looks like China is easing up on their in-flight rules about using electronic devices finally so you should be able to use a tablet or phone for the entire flight. Just listen to the instructions and always remember you are a guest in their country and be respectful of their rules.

Hopefully, this helps you be prepared for the technology challenges in China and stay connected. We took one resealable bag with all of our chargers, routers, adapters, etc in it and stayed very organized. Happy travels!

10 Ways Churches Can Support Adoption and Foster Care

Let me first start this one with some background about how God feels about orphans:

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27


Here is how God sees adoption:

To redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. Galatians 4:5-7

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18

And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. Romans 8:23

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15

For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. Psalm 27:10

He literally uses it over and over to compare our new relationship with Him when we accept His free gift of salvation. I believe abandonment is injustice and God wants us to act. My husband and I adopted Liam not because we are his rescuers but because of the love God has put in our heart. I believe Jesus wants us to go after and love the hurting, abandoned and those that the world would see as "the least of these". There are millions of orphans in this world and I believe the Church should and could be doing more. It would change the lives of these children and it shows the world what the gospel really is. 

My thoughts on this started because of a Facebook post on one of my adoption pages I follow. The person posting asked what churches could do to better help adopting/fostering families because they had a family leave their church over lack of support. The responses were mixed. Some families experienced a very supportive environment from their church, but sadly many were either silent or even intentionally hurtful.

I mentioned this post on Twitter and had someone who is going to school to become a pastor asked me what churches should be doing. I'm not on staff at a church, I'm just an adoptive mom but I will throw some ideas from my perspective. So here are a list of 10 things churches could be doing to support orphan care and fostering/adopting families.

1. Educate Yourselves and Your Staff
I have been shocked by how little the average Christian knows about the orphan and foster care crisis around the world. Find out how many children are in foster care in your area and which countries are currently allowing international adoption. Find out what happens to kids that age out without ever having a family. Educate yourself about the costs of all of these options to families. I have people ask me often how much it costs to adopt from China. I always start by asking them, "How much do you think it costs?" So far nobody has come close to guessing. The average answer is half of the actual cost. To learn more I would start with the Christian Alliance for Orphans. 

2. Celebrate Orphan Sunday
Orphan Sunday is one day a year where your church can highlight the cause of orphans around the world. It is in November and an amazing opportunity to share the chance to give and pray for the fatherless. Maybe your church could fund a specific project for an orphanage in a country your church already supports. Maybe you could share adoption information or highlight families in your congregation that have or are adopting. However you choose to celebrate, it is a way of focusing on God's heart for those children in need.

3. Assign a Staff Member 
One of the most helpful ways to help families in adoption or fostering process is to assign a pastor to care for them. Many applications to adopt or for adoption funding grants require a letter from a pastor and with many families (like ours) attending a very large church, it can be difficult for those families to know what to do. Make it clear to the congregation that if a family is entering this process, they can see Pastor Smith. Then Pastor Smith can meet with them, pray with them and they would feel connected to someone who can write them a letter of recommendation. 

4. Mission Trips
Several translations of James 1:27 actually use the phrase "visit orphans and widows in their distress". I believe that part of a church's mission plan for the year should include visiting orphans and widows. That can be done through organizations that churches are already working with or partnering with an adoption agency and providing people and resources for orphanage visit trips. Our agency goes on several trips to different countries throughout the year. These trips are so crucial because the people who go are able to get information about these children and advocate for them. It can be a wonderful blessing to the children and often the teams' lives are changed by the experience.

5. Bring Them Meals
If your church organizes bringing new moms or those recovering from illness/surgery meals, please do the same for adopting families. I've given birth to 3 biological children and the lack of sleep from jet lag and adjustment from adoption is just as intense if not more so.  Those first few weeks of bringing home a new child are a huge adjustment and something as simple as a fellow church member bringing a meal can mean the world. Treat this child the way you would any other new baby brought into the church.

6. Baby Dedication/Baptism
Please remember to add adoption language when you are posting about upcoming dedication/baptism events. This can be very subtle but acknowledge that not every dedication will be of a biological newborn.

7. Connect families
You can connect families though quiet personal ways of introducing them to each other or having an adoption/foster group through your church. Either way, this can go far to help families not feel so alone and get the support through the process that they desperately need.

8. Educate Your Children's Team
A child brought into your church through foster care or adoption will probably have different needs than children coming with their biological parents. One of the best and simplest ways to ease that child's transition is to ask their parent what your team can do to help. In our case, no one knew that our son was adopted and he was snapped at by a volunteer that didn't understand that he didn't speak English. Some families are working very hard on forming attachment with their new child and would rather they be the one to feed or rock their child to sleep so they need to know during service if that needs to happen. Many of these kids will have experienced trauma or have physical special needs, so it would be great if extra volunteers or volunteers with extra training could be present to help.

9. Meet Their Needs
I understand that churches cannot say yes to every need but anything would be a blessing to those adopting and fostering. Some churches give financial grants while others allow their members to host bake sales, rummage sales, or pancake breakfasts at their facility. Some churches also support these families by promoting their fundraising events. Most families in this country do not have the $30-40,000 it takes to complete an international adoption. Most families would be strained if they had to immediately buy all they needed to take on a foster child/children (carseats, crib, etc.). Anything you can do to help these families with their practical needs is very appreciated. 

10. Pray
This is the most important thing you can ever do. Pray for orphans. Pray for families. 

If just ONE family in every THREE churches in America adopted a waiting child, there would be no waiting children in foster care. International adoption is down over 60% in the last decade. We can do better as the body of Christ to care for the fatherless.

But don't take it just from me:

The Dangerous Song

We sang a song this Sunday at church that could change a person's life, but only if they mean it.

Whatever You want
Whatever You ask
Our lives are Yours
We gladly lay them in Your hands

I stopped a second during the chorus thinking about the weight of these words because they are very dangerous. I prayed them over 2 years ago and God has called me to things I never dreamed possible. I wouldn't take back a moment of it but if you desire things like "comfort", "normal", "predictable", then this isn't the prayer for you. But it comes with the package of making Him Lord of your life. 

In the last 2 years, I've visited Chinese orphanages, adopted a 7 year old and been deployed to the Middle East for 6 months. I've climbed the Great Wall twice, watched people be baptized under the Arabian sky, eaten at Subway in Kuwait, sushi in Tokyo and completed a half marathon in the middle of the night. 

It has been an exhausting season and the ambitious person inside me is ready to slay more dragons. Sometimes though, when you pray the dangerous prayer and sing the dangerous song, He says something very different. Right now, the Voice of Heaven has been saying, "Rest and wait."

In some ways this is the hardest thing He could ask of me because it doesn't feel right and I don't know how long it will last. I could see the size of the 'adoption mountain' or the length of the 'deployment desert' but I don't know how long this rest in the valley will be. My husband and I even went to a membership class at church and when we went to check the box to say we were joining the church, neither of us could do it. We want to adopt again but don't feel this is the right time. 

The other night we were invited over to have dinner with a family about to adopt a boy from Korea who wanted to hear about our experience bringing Liam home. We had a beautiful night sharing our joys and struggles and hearing their beautiful hearts. That night I asked God for other chances to share the beauty of adoption and I heard Him whisper, "Be faithful with the audience I've already given you." To me, this means for now, I will keep blogging and sharing on social media and trust Him with the rest.

And for our family's next steps, we will keep praying and singing. We will savor every moment of just being whole as a family again. We will celebrate all that He is brought us through. We will breathe in the peace of this moment.

Educating Liam

I'm in a ton of adoption Facebook groups and I see many people who adopt school aged children who struggle with school issues. I wanted to share our story since Liam's first year of school just ended.

We live in a pretty normal Texas school district. I went to elementary, intermediate, middle and high school in this district and have always been proud of our schools. They took a pretty average student and helped me get an academic scholarship to an exceptional private university and I was very prepared for college. My 3 biological kids have gotten a great education so far and I had no reason to doubt the same would happen for Liam.

I've seen a few parents on these Facebook groups say that they went in the first time to register their child for school with guns blazing prepared for war. That's just not me. I assume that the vast majority of teachers and administrators in the public school setting are there not for the fabulous paychecks but because they love kids. I don't go through life assuming everyone is out to get us because that hasn't been my experience in life. I walked into our neighborhood elementary school in July to register Liam for school armed with a stack of Chinese and American documentation. Our principal immediately said, "I know those red books!" and explained that her two girls were adopted from China. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that we were off to a great start. I had also set up an appointment with our school counselor a few months before to go over both the struggles that I was anticipating for Liam but also some other issues we saw coming for our family and she reassured me that everything was going to be fine.

When I did the pre-registration online, our district allowed me to put Liam in 1st grade despite the fact that he was 7 and 1/2. I felt that 2nd grade was just going to be too much for him with the language issues. Liam's principal let me handpick his teacher this year. I asked for a 1st grade teacher that we had previously had for one of our biological kids. I knew that she supported our adoption because she bought one of our fundraiser shirts and she had a nurturing, patient personality.

Liam seemed unsure about starting school but he is a brave kid. He had not been allowed to go to a regular Chinese school like some of that other children at the orphanage but he had attended class in the building. I'm still not exactly sure how much he learned but I know he was used to learning songs, numbers, colors, and other preschool concepts. The first few weeks of 1st grade were seemingly tough. He had only come home around 8 weeks before school started so his English was very limited. It seemed that he went through his hierarchy of needs and started with needing to know he had access to water and the bathroom. Evidently, he exercised that cycle of drinking and potty breaks often. I think he just needed to know that it was accessible to him. For my part, I tried to keep his lunch comforting and familiar. We made sandwiches for our bio girls and sent him rice, noodles and soup because that's what he likes.

Here's where I start bragging on our public school. There was a day where his teacher was struggling to communicate with him and emailed the district ESL coordinator across town. Within 20 minutes, that coordinator was in her class. Liam received daily ESL instruction both in his class and in the ESL room. He also received extra help from the reading specialist and social skills help from the counselor. Liam was a very high functioning kid in a special needs orphanage so he needed to learn some lessons about winning/losing, taking turns, etc.

I'm not saying it was all sunshine and roses. He had some struggles learning how to deal with other kids and communicate in a new language. Honestly, though as a former mother of all girls, this probably wasn't outside the norms of an average 7 year old boy.

So here we are as he has completed his first full year of school and he's made such amazing strides. He was voted the top boy in his class by his classmates. He is reading! He is speaking fluent English (until you ask him why he is buying so much ice cream with his lunch account...totally loses the ability to speak). He made it through a field trip, school carnival, field day, and holiday parties. My husband just had an "end of year" meeting with his team of teachers, administrators and staff and he is actually doing above grade level in math. He still has some catching up to do in reading and writing but he is getting there and I know he will catch up. Almost most importantly, he has made friends and he loves going to school. He gets grumpy on school holidays and I'm going to try to keep him busy over the Summer. If we go to school events, it's like walking in with a celebrity. Every teacher and student has to stop and say hi to him. One of our daughter's teachers has to get her "Liam hug" every morning.

I'm looking forward to seeing what amazing work he is going to do in 2nd grade!

For her

Dear China Mom,

I know we've never met, but today I'm thinking about you. It's my first Mother's Day as our son's mom and though I don't know your face, I'm praying for you. I'm thankful to be a mom, I'm thankful for my mother and I'm also so thankful you gave my son life.

Today, our son's DNA test reached the lab to be processed. In weeks, we will have a little more information about where he came from. I don't know if you will ever want to be found or if he will want to look but I want him to have the option. You deserve that. He deserves that.

I don't know if you think about him every day and wonder how he is but if you do I pray that the peace that passes all understanding fills your heart and somehow you know that he's okay. I know you live in a country where the gospel is persecuted but I pray that Jesus finds a way of reaching you.

This week our son asked what God was. He's so smart and so curious. We are going to teach him of God's amazing plan for his life and how even in the heartbreaking way his life started, that Jesus is still in the redemption business. I pray He redeems your loss and gives you beauty for ashes.

I don't know if we will ever meet this side of Heaven but I want you to know that you are not forgotten. Sometimes I wonder if he has your smile or your laugh but know that our son has my heart. He is loved so deeply.

I know that in China, there is a legend that there is a red thread that connects hearts that are destined to meet. That thread may tangle but it will not break. I feel it between our hearts.

Happy Mother's Day,
Sarah

Unanswered Questions

"Any family medical history we should know about?"

It was a standard question. It came after asking about allergies and current medications. The medical technician was just doing her job, but after she left the room to get the doctor, it left me thinking about my son.

I was just in for a sinus infection but it's funny how adoption creeps into every area of my life now. I thought about all the times my son will be asked that question in his life and how he probably won't have much of an answer. I've ordered a DNA testing kit for him and hopefully it will shed some light on the shadows of his medical history but there will always be lingering questions.

I'm thankful to take my kids to an orthodontist who has adopted internationally several times. At the bottom of all the of the family medical history options to check off, there is a box that says, "My child is adopted and I have limited medical history." Tears sprang to my eyes the first time I saw that. I felt understood.

The truth is though that each one of us probably has a little list of unanswered questions. One of my favorite MercyMe songs addresses this in a way that floods my heart with peace:

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from being explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains


When my son hears that question, I pray that it doesn't bring pain. I hope that we raise him to know that none of us has a complete picture of how we ended up where we are but that God is still writing a beautiful story even in the unanswered questions.

Heart to Heart

I realized looking back through this blog that I never really talked in detail about Liam's health. In fact, I wasn't even 100% sure what his diagnosis was until we got him home and to a cardiologist. When I met him in 2014, he was listed as having VSD and ASD; 2 common heart defects. Then we got his full medical chart and I could see that he actually had been diagnosed with CCTGA (aka L-TGA) which is Congenitally Corrected Transposition of the Great Arteries. It is a more rare variation of TGA where, as his cardiologist explains it, "two wrongs made a right" and while his arteries are reversed so is the bottom half of his heart.

So hey, what's the problem right? Two wrongs made a right! Except that you are asking the weaker atrium to do the harder job. And usually CCTGA comes along with other issues and in Liam's case he has some valve weaknesses and pulmonic stenosis. Currently these issues aren't bothering him, he appears as a healthy, active child and he is not on any medications and has never had a surgery. The future though is unknown. The most likely scenario according to our cardiology team is that we will probably leave the "backwardsness" of his heart alone and just repair the valves down the road. There are people who have lived long, healthy lives with CCTGA with no interventions.  Could he one day need multiple open heart surgeries? Maybe. We don't know.

What I do know is that we love the stuffing out of this kid. He's beautiful and perfect to me. I don't know that any earlier intervention in China would have made any difference to how he's doing now. I wonder constantly what his first months of life were like and what the doctors even thought without the types of tests he's been able to have performed in America. Hopefully, someday I will have some of those answers but no matter what is left unknown, God is writing a beautiful story in Liam's life. He is an unbelievable blessing.

His English is coming along great. So great that the other day he looked as his sister (who is only 14 months older) and said, "You know what? You're not funny!" Maybe this doesn't sound like a miracle but it means he's able to be a little stinker in English. He constantly makes us laugh. He loves to be involved in whatever we are doing and he is eating a ton. Things still are new for him. He had his first jelly bean and had no idea what to do with it. He met the Easter Bunny and was a little confused. But everyday, he is weaved deeper into our family and deeper into our hearts.

What's your why?

A few months ago, I was sitting in this service at Gateway:

And it hasn't gotten out of my head since. I wanted to know my why. I'm 37 years old and I need to know my why. So I asked God what my why was and He faithfully kept showing me and I resisted. I don't know exactly the reason why I pushed back but I guess I never expected this. You see, I don't like kids that much. I love my kids but I always used to say how I really don't LOVE other people's kids. I used to work in the pre-K class at church and I did not love it. I did it because I felt like I should. Then I got to China and worked in Liam's orphanage. I came home and told my husband how confused I was because I don't like other people's kids but I loved every moment with them. And then he said, "But those weren't other people's kids. Those were nobody's kids."

That's my why: nobody's kids.

I've learned more about the gospel in the last 2 years than I have in my whole life sitting in a church. I learned how passionately God loved me and sought after me while I was far off and had no idea what he was doing. I thought to myself the other day how I would have spent every dollar I had ever made in my life to get my son home and I heard God's voice say, "I know you would. And I did. I paid it all for you."

I'm still figuring out the what but I know the why. I saw this quote from Francis Chan the other day:

"Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter."

In one beautiful moment, I realized I'm not afraid of that. Because if I spend my whole life setting the lonely in families, redeeming the atrocity of abandonment and just loving the least of these, it will be a life well spent.

Transformation Tuesday

Here's a little update on Liam and the transformation that completely amazes us every day.

Liam is in his second week of school and he has done amazingly well. He's behind academically and it is going to take a while before he's able to keep up with spelling tests and math problems but we have full confidence that he will get there quickly.  He is trying and participating in class. He is making friends and excited to get out of the car each day.  These are the things that really matter to me and sight words, subtraction and reciting the pledge perfectly will come. 

The most common question that we are asked is still, "How is his English coming?"  That has literally been such a minor issue since the moment he was in our arms. He could tell in context what we were talking about thanks to books, Google translate and hand motions. He very quickly starting trying to speak English and I would say he's now as fluent in English as I was in Spanish III in high school.  He speaks short sentences and phrases and knows most basic nouns (places, food, colors, people).  

What really amazes us is looking back at how far he has come so quickly and how much he has changed physically and emotionally.

I took these two pictures 13 months apart.

If you knew him before and after, you would see that his whole attitude has changed every more than his appearance. He changed because he has become what we said he is.  He knows he is a cherished son. We sang this song recently at a church service we were in.  I felt bad for the rest of the congregation because they had probably never seen this happen in the tangible way we have.  

When Liam was ushered in the door in China, he was scared and crying.  After trying to console him, giving him suckers and trying to listen to the nannies at the same time, my husband stopped and looked up a word on Google translate. Jeff leaned down and told Liam in Mandarin that he was brave.  He didn't tell him to BE brave. He told him he WAS brave. Instantly, the tears were gone and his whole demeanor changed. Now, every night as we tuck him into bed we say, "Liam is..." and he fills in the blank with four words.

Liam is...brave

Liam is...strong

Liam is...happy

Liam is...blessed

He says them boldly each night because his Daddy says that is who he is.  And he believes his father. 

So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if you are a son, then you are also an heir through God

Galatians 4:7

Kids from here...and kids from there.

There was a beautiful news story this week about a group of Chinese kids coming to Houston for a hosting program. Hosting orphans is an amazing way to let them experience another culture while people can meet them and hopefully begin the process of adopting them.  That should be the end of the story but it wasn't. Unfortunately, I read the comments. We have an ongoing joke on Twitter about never reading the comments but sometimes you just can't help it.  I knew what people were going to say but the frequency of people saying the same predictable thing was just mindblowing.

Here's the basic gist of many of the Facebook comments:
"That's great and all but why don't people adopt from America first when we have so many kids that need families"

I have actually had people say this to me so let me address this.  Most of these people are Christians so let me translate what I hear when someone says this.

"Why don't we pull every missionary out of the mission field because we have unsaved people here in America?"
"Why don't we stop sending food to other countries because we have starving people here in America?"
"Why don't we keep doctors from serving overseas because we have sick people here in America?"

So let me answer that from my perspective:

We go into all the world because that is where Jesus sent us.

I really could stop right there but you know I won't.

Jesus didn't draw the border around America and say "Hey ya'll, take care of your problems right around you first and then maybe worry about them foreigners."

I promise He didn't say that. I've checked.  He actually cleared this up in the story about the Good Samaritan.  He told a man how to attain eternal life (by loving God and his neighbor) and then went on to tell the story about how a Samaritan man (foreigner) took care of someone who couldn't take care of himself. He said that the Samaritan was the injured man's true neighbor.

So why are some people called to minister on the streets of Kansas City and others on the streets of Indonesia?  Because that's where God called them.
Why are some people practicing medicine in Cleveland and some people doing the same in Angola? Because that's where God called them or where they choose to work.
Why are some people fostering and adopting kids from their town and others adopting kids from the other side of the world. Because that's where God called them or they feel like that process is best for their family.

The foster/adoption process is very different domestically and internationally.  I went to a local adoption and fostering support group last night and every single family's story was completely different. The tie that bound all of us together was that we were all loving children that we did not give birth to and it was beautiful and broken.  It was filled with deep pain and great joy.

Let me clear up a few things though that many people just do not know. Of all the kids in foster care, only about 1/4 of them are available for adoption. That is because many of them are waiting for their parents or another family member to regain their ability to care for them.  From what I have seen, our system is set up to keep kids with their biological family.  That is not usually possible internationally.  We do not know who the biological parents are in most of the cases in countries like China and if they came forward, they would most likely be punished greatly for abandoning their child.

Domestically, of those that are available, many are older or a part of a sibling group and not every family is able to take in multiple children or teenagers. But kids are being adopted from foster care. I personally know many families who have done just that. It happens every day. If every person who commented on that Facebook page entered the world of domestic adoption and fostering, we would have far less of a problem. If just one of every 500 Americans actually adopted who said they had considered it, every child in this country would have a home.

There are also many people hoping to adopt a newborn in our country.  Here is the nine page list of them just from one agency in our area. There was a single woman in our group last night that has been waiting for 2 years for a baby to adopt.  There are loving families praying for a baby to fill a place in their home.

I pray that more people do answer the call to adopt and foster domestically.  I also pray that more people answer the call to adopt internationally.  God loves the little children of the world and they all need a family.  He loves the kids from here...and the kids from there.

The Ups and Downs of our Trip to China

Everyone is going to have different experiences in China and I'm going to share what worked and what didn't for our family.  Our group was me and my husband, our 11 year old daughter and our 7 year old that we were adopting. I had been to China in 2014 for a mission trip and learned a lot of lessons then so based on that and what I learned from adoption Facebook groups, this was our packing list:

Overall, I think we packed very well. There's not much more I wished we would have brought. We had 2 large rolling suitcases that we checked and each of us had a backpack as a carry-on. That's it. It was great only worrying about one item after we made it through security.  We packed our oldest daughter and husband's items in one suitcase and Liam's and mine in the other.  We used packing cubes for all of Liam's items but if I had more money, I would buy them for everyone in different colors. We brought 11 outfits each and did one small load of laundry in Guangzhou (cost about $17) and washed as much as we could in the sink.  We were there in Summer so the benefit is that we were wearing lighter clothes but we couldn't rewear a lot without washing because we were sweating a lot! 

Things I wouldn't bring: umbrella (there was one in each hotel room) and travel pillows (airline provided and I don't sleep much on planes)

Technology related: we brought 2 laptops, an iPad and our cellphones and left everything in airplane mode the whole time with wifi on. We set up VPNs before we left and brought a HooToo nano. Check them out on Amazon. It is a pretty cheap device but great. Basically, you plug it into the wired internet in the room and it gives off it's own wifi signal. You have your own hotspot and you aren't limited by how many devices you have or the strength of the hotel's wifi. We were able to easily access every website we needed in all three cities.

Money wise: We took about $2800 over our orphanage donation and came home with $500. We did not buy many souvenirs and we are cheap eaters. We spent about $16 for the 4 of us for many meals. The big ticket items were the safari park and some of the meals on travel days. It was over 2 weeks in 3 cities for 4 people so $2300 seems reasonable for activities, meals, souvenirs, some transportation, tips, etc. I think we spent $9 on a Gatorade at the top of the Great Wall and we bought 2. That was stupid but we were really thirsty and not thinking about the exchange rate. 

We each took 2 pairs of shoes: 1 pair of sneakers and 1 pair of slip on, closed toe comfortable shoes.

What I would do differently next time: 

-I would skip Beijing. I did it last year and now my husband and daughter have seen it and I'm not really keen on going again.

-I would try to take the train to Hong Kong. The van ride from Guangzhou to Hong Kong was not good for us.

-I would stay at the Marriott in Hong Kong. The airport hotel was too small and very limited in food options.

-I would upgrade our room at the China Hotel in Guangzhou. We didn't make a fuss out of it this time but our standard room was very small. 

-I would make sure I saved one totally fresh (un-sinkwashed) outfit for the flight home. We did okay at this but you don't want that long journey home to be in funky clothes.

-I would skip the safari park in Guangzhou. It was fine but I got dehydrated and it made the day miserable. I'm not used to that much humidity and I didn't drink enough water. Overall, this is an emotionally exhausting trip on a totally different time zone and I would have rested more and passed on more activities.

-I would try not to fly American Airlines unless we were on the 787 direct from DFW to China. We did that on our way there and it was great. Cathay Pacific was amazing for the first leg but the second AA flight on the 777 was difficult.

What I'm glad we did:

-I really liked having fanny packs. I know they are unattractive but I have a bad back and I was able to keep wipes, my phone, snacks, water, etc around my waist and be hands free.

-I'm glad we immediately took Liam to their bigger Wal-mart like stores so that he could pick out toys he liked. We got him a gun set that shot suction cup darts that stuck to the hotel window glass and he had fun for hours.

-I'm glad I had a list of souvenirs and only shopped for those. It kept it easy and I wasn't tempted to look at other things.

-Try to go to the Mutianyu part of the Great Wall. Take the chair lift (NOT the gondola) up the wall and then you can take the alpine slide down. The gondola will take you to an area over an hour away from the slide and that long of a walk on the wall can be exhausting unless you really love a big hike.

-We brought 1 power converter and it actually worked for my flat iron! Yay for not scaring Liam with a scary looking mommy.

-The games we had on the iPad for Liam were a big hit. He fell in love with Daniel Tiger and the Grandpa's Workshop app. 

-We managed to balance Chinese and Western foods so I wasn't so sick of Chinese food. We had Subway, McDonalds, Pizza Hut and managed to have about one western meal a day.  I need that for my sanity.  We loaded up on the free breakfast at each hotel and ate lighter lunches.

-I'm thankful that I heard Rick Steves say something on a show about how to travel Europe. He said that he packs light because he figures that he can buy it there and if he can't, then millions of people are living without it so it probably isn't a NEED.  Obviously, this isn't true for medications, etc. but for the most part, the stores in China have most things you are looking for. I bought a deodorant there that is identical to Degree (same container, just Chinese words).  

-Language was not as big of a deal as I expected. Either our guide was able to tell Liam what was going on or our translator apps filled in the rest. He picked up some basic things quickly.
-I'm glad we bought paper plates, forks, and cups in China. We could easily have some cheaper meals in our room and we bought the big jugs of water and just used our paper cups and only used water bottles while we were out.
-Expect your child to get carsick. I did because my bio kids are easily carsick so we came prepared. Most won't be but they don't ride in cars much at the orphanages/foster families and the method of driving and traffic in China can exacerbate the problem.
-The biggest thing I'm glad we did is travel with both spouses and an older kid. I cannot imagine not taking my husband on this trip. I know there are situations where this is difficult but emotionally to me this would be like delivering a baby alone.  Our daughter was a huge help just having someone for Liam to connect with as another kid and another set of eyes and hands.

Tips for those going to Xian:
-If you stay at the Days Hotel: there is a Chinese hamburger stand right outside the hotel. They are delicious and cheap, like $1US cheap! Get chips at the big store down the street and have some easy lunches.
-The restaurant attached to the Chinese hamburger stand is good. The sweet and sour pork is very delicious and their prices are good. For our family, a full meal was around $16US
-There is a park down the street and it has a big play area that we stayed at for hours.  It is like a screened in playroom (for a small fee) with a trampoline, ride on toys and a kind of sand pit. There are also some kid's rides.
-There is a new tea mall across the street from the hotel (directly opposite KFC) where they are opening a McDonald's with McCafe. I wish it had been open when we were there.  On the top floor there are also a TON of nice, newer looking restaurants. We didn't find this until the last day but it all looked really good.
-Try to get your guide to take you to the Bell Tower area when you go to the City Wall. There is a cool Starbucks and other nice restaurants and you can do some shopping in the Muslim Quarter. We got a pizza from Pizza Hut to bring back to the hotel with us.
-When we went to the Terra Cotta warriors, we got Subway sandwiches and ate them on the way back.


I hope this helps those preparing to go to China! My biggest tip is to just go with the flow. Be in the moment and realize that before you know it you will be home!

Butterflying

The one thing that I do not want to do with this blog is act like our experience is every adoption experience. Every child, family, and experience is different. This is just our story. I believe that you get a beautiful tapestry by reading lots of adoption stories. I'm a member of 2 local adoption groups and I have already seen how different each story is and I love hearing God work in each of them.

I have read the suggested books and taking the online training required from my agency. Much of it was very interesting and enlightening but I believe the parenting my husband and I already did with our biological children wasn't much different than they suggested. We don't spank. We do "time-ins" with younger children so they can rethink their behavior within a few feet of us. We follow 1-2-3 Magic from Dr. Phelen and there really isn't yelling in our home. We co-sleep during naps and currently my 4 year old is laying on my back resting because she's tired from swimming. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works from home so we spend as much time as possible together and our house is full of snuggles and family fun.

One thing that is pretty prevalent in the adoption community is the idea of cocooning. It is forming attachment with your child through staying close to home and limiting outside influences for weeks or months after you bring your child home. I think it can be a beautiful way to bond for most families.  So far though, that isn't what we have done. Liam was ready to leave the orphanage and have a family. His nannies told us that he was asking when his family was coming for months before we arrived. He is an active 7 year old boy that will be starting 1st grade next month in a public school and he hasn't shown a single sign of not being attached to us.  He wants us to hold him, snuggle, hold our hand and he doesn't look to any other adult for affection or attention. He loves going out every day and on the days we do stay at home and just play with playdoh or build legos, he seems bored. If I even slightly indicate we might be going somewhere, he's putting on his shoes and shouting, "car!"

Basically, if I saw a single sign that Liam wasn't attaching to us or couldn't handle our Summer schedule of play dates, splash parks, and vacation Bible school, we would stop immediately and slow everything way down. But he seems to love it and is just happy settling into what we normally do as a family. So I'm listening to all of you other adoptive moms out there. I'm listening to the experts as well. But first and foremost, I'm listening to my kid. And he's saying (in the cutest accent), "Let us go!!!"

The new normal

I feel terrible that I haven't blogged more but since coming home, Liam has kept us so busy! In the last month, we returned to Texas and became a new family of 6. He is just an amazing little blessing in our lives. Jeff keeps saying that his biggest regret is that we couldn't have adopted him sooner.  He is learning English very quickly and surprises us with a new word every day. The last couple of days he has gone from calling us Mama and Baba to now "Mommy and Daddy".  He uses his sisters' names and not just "jie jie" and "mie mie".

Is every moment perfect and blissful? Nope. He's a real kid and he likes to pout when he doesn't get his way. And by pout I mean retreats and stays grumpy as long as possible and tries to work up tears. We overcome the language barrier as much as we can but sometimes things just don't make sense to him. He's not usually a fan of taking turns or sharing with his sisters. But these are normal kid issues and we are just loving him through this. It seemed to get worse for a while and after some time working it out with Daddy, it seems to be getting better.

We have gotten him a full physical and next we will be visiting a pediatric cardiologist so we can see how that little heart is doing.  We hope and pray he will not need surgery for a while.

He loves when I make him rice and noodles, turns up his nose at Mexican food and Ranch dressing and loves his new bike. I'm so glad we waited on making him a bedroom because he is giving us input on what he likes. He loves the color red and likes baseball and cars. I would have done a blue Star Wars room. It is fun discovering who he is and what he likes.

It is fairly typically for adopted children to attach to one parent over the other. Of course, I assumed as the nurturing mother that already met him last year that it would be me. It hasn't exactly worked out like that. This boy was ready for a daddy.  He can't get enough of Jeff holding him, throwing him around and just plain being around. I get my share of snuggles but he is really Baba's boy.

Your prayers were answered so tangibly and I'm so thankful for everyone who has walked this journey with us so far.

Getting to know him

So it has been over a week that Liam has been an official Stevenson. International adoption is a crazy process because it combines adding a member to your family with going on a stressful vacation.  We spent 3 days in Beijing sightseeing, then a week in Liam's province, then almost another week in Guangzhou where the U.S. Consulate is.  You are crammed in hotels, shuttled through airports and train stations surrounded by a language you don't understand and you days are filled with new experiences.  In the midst of all of this, you are trying to get to know a special needs child and help them understand you are their new parents.

I know, I'm probably selling it well.  There are actually a wide variety of experiences. Some are very difficult. Our son's province was a larger city with lots to see and do in a few days. People from around the world choose to visit Xi'an because of its historical significance. We had Subway, Pizza Hut and KFC mixed in with all the Chinese food.  Our hotel was larger and the breakfast buffet had some western options. Some families go to provinces with harsher weather, not much to see or do and no American food. Some families have children with very significant needs or that go through significant grieving as they transition to their adoptive families. We have been incredibly blessed so far that Liam has had the energy to go on sightseeing trips and hasn't shown us much in the way of grieving.

He is a sharp little guy. He knows a few letters of the alphabet, numbers 1-10, colors, shapes, is amazing at puzzles and I feel he is on track with some help to have a good year in 1st grade. As for his heart, we will have to wait and see what doctors say.  He is a well behaved little boy but behaviorally like a 4-5 year old.  We are working on him not touching everything in a store and not having to touch the face of every kid in our group. He hasn't had a ton of boundaries because in an orphanage, there wasn't much he couldn't touch.  We are working on that but mostly we are just playing with him, wrestling, tickling, and learning all about him.

There have been families here who have had a much harder time and I ask that we all continue to pray for them. People have said that Liam (and all these kids) are so lucky.  I know that those who say that mean well but they aren't lucky.  They were born with a major physical disability that led to them being abandoned by parents who most likely loved them deeply but could not afford to keep them. Many of them (some go to foster families) were raised in an institution where they never knew the love of a family. They never had anyone to call "Mama" or "Baba".  Many of them had surgeries and laid in hospital beds alone with no parents to hold their hand or pray over them.  Then kids like Liam watched their friends one by one get adopted and leave while they waited.  Now, he leaves the country, language, culture and everything he knows for the great unknown of life with us in America. Yes, now Liam is blessed that he was chosen off the waiting child list and he has a family but it was not a lucky road to get here.

So we are taking home an amazing little boy.  But we are leaving so many behind.  I pray every night that all of them find a home.  This process wasn't easy but I don't want to live in a world where I have seen orphans and done nothing. Will we do this again? Hopefully.  I know we will keep advocating and helping others adopt. In the meantime, we will be loving this little guy as best we can.

Here are more pictures from our trip.

We have a son!

So here we are in China. It has been a whirlwind since we arrived in Beijing. We had a couple of days of sightseeing and then off to Liam's province.  There are six families in our travel group but only one other going to our province and it is nice to have the company.  We arrived in Xi'an around 11am on "Gotcha Day" and went to our hotel to settle in to our new environment. We exchanged our money in the hotel lobby which felt like the beginning of an episode of Locked Up Abroad. Then before we knew it, it was time to head to the Civil Affairs office.

We came in and just hung around nervously for about 10 minutes when we heard voices coming down the hall. Before we knew it, we saw one little kid come in and then Liam quickly followed. It was like seeing a celebrity in person. You can't believe your eyes because he is really right there!!

He seemed hesitant so we just told him in Mandarin that it was okay. He eventually sat in my lap and just seemed overwhelmed with emotion. He was doing his best to keep it under control but a few tears rolled down. He just breathed hard through it and did his best. This continued for about 20 minutes. It seemed to get a little worse and Jeff looked up the Mandarin word for "brave" and he said it to him and looked him straight in the eye. At that moment, all the tears stopped and he seemed okay. It was like he needed a dad to tell him how brave he was being and he knew he was going to be fine.

We signed a few papers, I think promising that we wouldn't let him wander off in the next 24 hours and then we answered some questions about why we were adopting. We stopped in to a baby and kids store for the other couple with us to get some diapers and Jeff showed him a little metal sports car toy and we saw his first smile. We bought him the car and we headed back to the hotel. We played with his car and just started figuring this cutie out.  Jeff and Susannah got Chinese takeout from a place nearby and he ate everything in sight.

He slept well last night and then had a big breakfast. He got a little sick in the car on the way back to complete his adoption this morning but I think the traffic and driving would do that to most people. Thankfully, as a mom of several with carsickness, I was prepared.  We got through all the paperwork and stamping his hand and our thumbprints and got back to the hotel where we have been playing and becoming a family.  He overall is doing so great. We are managing the communication barriers pretty well and he is very bright.  He knows and can write his numbers 1-10 and can copy his name in English. He knows his shapes and can do a 36 piece puzzle by himself. He likes Legos and playing on the iPad.  He is calling us Mama, Baba and Jie Jie (big sister) and calls himself the Mandarin word for "son".

Continue praying that we keep adjusting well.  He is an amazing little guy and we are super blessed!

Counting the Cost

As we wait for our travel to China, I can't help but look back at this journey so far and one of the biggest miracles has been God's financial provision.  I believe that our family being very transparent in this process will encourage others to begin the journey of giving another child a home so here's what the numbers look like:

I believe that this adoption will end up totaling about $37K.  Again, if you want to see where that money goes, please check out the cost page on our adoption agency's website. The bulk of it is about to be paid out in plane tickets, our in-country travel package and the orphanage donation we give in China.  A lot of it pays for our agency to manage the program and to cover background checks, visas and other government requirements.  I'm so thankful that from the very beginning they were open about the costs.

About half of the costs we were able to come up with from our budget.  Every tax refund, third paycheck or any dollar we could squeeze from our budget went straight into the "adoption" fund in our budget spreadsheet.  Literally, if our gas bill was $7 less than we were expecting, that $7 was transferred over.  Some months we did better than others but God multiplied when it looked impossible.  We never could have embarked on adopting Liam unless we had gone through Financial Peace University, paid off $39k in 18 months and gotten to "Baby Step 3".  We had already trimmed our personal budget down to pay off that amount of debt and kept a monthly budget where we know where every dollar is going before the month begins.  We basically stayed in "gazelle intensity mode" for this entire process.

I believe about half of the cost came from fundraising and generous donations.  We raised over $13k on our AdoptTogether page.  Over $5000 more came from our pancake breakfast, garage sales, craft sales, t-shirt sales, and individual donations.  We also received a grant from Sowing Roots that we have applied directly to our agency to cover our travel.  I am still so overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends, family and even complete strangers.  Thank you for being a part of Liam's story and blessing our family by your giving.  I have learned so much through this process and I definitely am inspired by your generous giving and want to give more to others.

I write all of this to encourage you.  Whether it is adoption, missions, starting a ministry, I believe that God has a call on all of our hearts.  Whatever that is, I believe that He will provide a path and the means to walk that path.  He is our great provider!

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 
2 Cor 9:8

Almost there

I have updated our timeline blog about where we are in our adoption process and what future dates look like. We now have plane tickets purchased and a vague itinerary of when we are going to China and how that trip will look.  We are waiting to pay for our in country travel package so that we can see how things are looking financially.

Right now though we are focusing on spending time as a family of 5 and thinking about packing for a 2 week trip to China.

People sometimes don't realize what a tremendous thing this is for Liam. He isn't winning the lottery. This isn't Little Orphan Annie. He's a real kid that has been well taken care of around friends and nannies who have loved him for the past 7 years.  He's about to leave all that he knows and have to learn a new family, culture and language.  Is it better for him in a family? Absolutely or we wouldn't be doing this.  Is it going to be easy? For him and for us, the answer is no.

We ask for you to understand if you don't see us around that much this Summer.  We will come home and be working on the hard battle of attachment and bonding.  We won't be attending church right away. We will be going to lots of doctors and trying to get him ready to start the 1st grade.  We love our friends and family and want you to meet him but the reality is that he needs to get used to just us first.  Hopefully, the transition will go well and we will be able to introduce him to our lives quickly but we just don't know what it is going to look like right now.

Many people have asked if he knows English or how our Mandarin is.  He does not speak any English that we know of.  We have been working on basic Mandarin phrases but we are not fluent.

And then the question comes, "How's that going to work?"

It is going to work through love.  We are going to do our best.  We are going to use technology and hand gestures.  We will figure it out and children learn quickly when fully immersed.

We need your prayers. We need peace.  We need safety for our trip.  We need Liam's physical and spiritual heart to stay strong.

Thank you to each one of you that is part of this story.  We will not be putting much publicly on social media during our trip so if you want to follow along, please follow our Facebook group.

My biggest regret

Each day gets us a little closer and today our Article 5 was picked up and now we wait for Travel Approval! We are praying it comes in the next few days and we can begin buying airfare and planning our trip.

I have the app "TimeHop" on my phone and I can look back over what I posted on social media over the last 5-6 years every day in a snapshot.  I keep seeing posts I made 5 years ago about all the changes that were going on in our life as I was pregnant with our youngest and moving from Missouri to Texas. As I watch each day of that journey come up on the app, I keep seeing the same thing over and over. I was constantly worried about things that never happened. I was worried we wouldn't sell our house and we did. I was worried our youngest at the time wouldn't do well with the move and she did.

The same is true over the last year of my life and I'm determined to stop.

I've been worried about so many things so far that haven't happened on this journey. I was worried we wouldn't be able to be matched with Liam and we were.  The paperwork seemed too big to overcome but we did it. I fretted that we would never be approved and of course we were. I spent days in agony afraid we wouldn't have the money and it looks like we have it thanks to all those who gave and God's grace.  I regret spending so much time worrying about all of these things that never were an issue.

So here we are waiting to travel and bring our son home. There are a million questions in my mind like about what is about to happen like:

How will we communicate with him?
Will he like our food?
Will he love us or even like us?
Will he be overcome with grief leaving everything he knows?
What is his medical diagnosis going to look like?

I'm determined to not let those worries and questions overwhelm me as we move forward. It may be hard. It may not look how we expect. But God has had this whole process in His hand from the beginning and I believe He did not bring us or Liam this far to leave us now.

I believe Psalm 27 has been the song of this adoption. Take a minute. Quiet your heart. Trust in Him.

You, LORD, are the light

that keeps me safe.

I am not afraid of anyone.

You protect me,

and I have no fears.

²Brutal people may attack

and try to kill me,

but they will stumble.

Fierce enemies may attack,

but they will fall.

³Armies may surround me,

but I won't be afraid;

war may break out,

but I will trust you.

⁴I ask only one thing, LORD:

Let me live in your house

every day of my life

to see how wonderful you are

and to pray in your temple.

⁵In times of trouble,

you will protect me.

You will hide me in your tent

and keep me safe

on top of a mighty rock.

⁶You will let me defeat

all of my enemies.

Then I will celebrate,

as I enter your tent

with animal sacrifices

and songs of praise.

⁷Please listen when I pray!

Have pity. Answer my prayer.

⁸My heart tells me to pray.

I am eager to see your face,

⁹so don't hide from me.

I am your servant,

and you have helped me.

Don't turn from me in anger.

You alone keep me safe.

Don't reject or desert me.

¹⁰Even if my father and mother

should desert me,

you will take care of me.

¹¹Teach me to follow, LORD,

and lead me on the right path

because of my enemies.

¹²Don't let them do to me

what they want.

People tell lies about me

and make terrible threats,

¹³but I know I will live

to see how kind you are.

¹⁴Trust the LORD!

Be brave and strong

and trust the LORD.